Average Joe

Just came from watching Average Joe with HBOTW and Jiayun... and man was it a bummer.

The simple, straightforward summary is, the girl chose the good looking guy over the charming guy.

Hey, don't ask me why. The producers obviously had full control over what material to show us, so there's no objective way to judge how good the guys are in real life. I mean, the viewers did get to see the charming one as rich, sociable, sincere, though less than perfect physically. And all they saw of the other guy (who won) was this unaccomplished, struggling student/waiter who had questionable intentions.

Kind of reminded me of the joke where a guy's in a dilemma because he cannot choose between two girls - both are intelligent, accomplished, good-looking. After much deliberation over their relative strengths and weakenesses, he ends up choosing the girl with the more ample bosom...

Maybe our hardwired instincts aren't meant to lead us to long term relationships.

Maybe we are so subconsciously attracted to the good lookers (in the assumption that our offspring will be equally vibrant) that the heart overrules logic, which is vital in the selection of the ideal mate. So then we procreate with the most well-endowed people, and since after the children are born our instincts are sated, we wake up to find ourselves in a mess of a relationship.

Bleah. Average Joe has so put me off that I'm declaring a two day ban on relationship issues on this blog. In the meantime... we'll talk about Proboscis Monkeys and Limin! =)

Third 16th Poem

Where are you now, my love
Long flown away on wings of silver hue
In search of your elusive treasure trove
Have you found what's due to you?

What are you doing now, my dear
To tell you the truth, I haven't a clue
If I spent five minutes talking to a complete stranger
I'll still know him better than I know you

What are you thinking now, my friend
Half a world away, but worlds apart in thought
Could we foresee this when we first began?
Guess it meant nothing, all the battles we've fought

When will you fully return, my acquaintance
Will there be anything to recognize you by?
Will there be proof of our past co-existance?
And if I said there was, would it be a lie?

At least you will always remain a mystery
A riddle to tease my gasping mind
How ever did we both change so completely?
Though I doubt the answer I'll ever find

Man, I so need it to rain now.

New Human Being Of The Week !!

Really, I've got to be more conscientious with updating HBOTW.

For this week though, HBOTW goes straight out to... MISS HUMOUNGOUS-BIG-HAIR-WORM-FOOD!! Sigh, I hate to admit it, but when she left the country, things got a lot duller overnight.

I missed all the inane bickerings, all the finger-pointing at who's corrupting society in general. I missed having a close friend to not just catch up with, but to deepen a friendship with, during the various gatherings.

Nah, let's just say that

If the world's a CD compilation
A medley of melodies
Of songs of triumph and jubilation
Of happiness and tragedies

Still alone we could not hear a thing
But the remedy couldn't be nearer
All we need is your presence, so commanding
Because you are the CD player

Welcome back to Singapore Silan!!

And We Part Again....

Today four of my fellow instructors ORDeed. I remember them first coming and hating it here, because they couldn't adapt to the completely different way of life. I wanted to transfer them out, to make everyone happier, but didn't when a senior instructor advised me against it.

And I'm glad I didn't... when they left today I guess we all bonded. It sucked when they went around shaking hands and thanking people for making their stay memorable. I refused to shake though, and instead stuck my hands in my pockets, declaring that I'm not one for teary goodbyes.

They just laughed, pleading with me to stop being an idiot on their last day, and drop all pretense of machoism (what pretense?). But I really wanted to avoid saying goodbye.

Wouldn't you hate it too? To realize that someone you see almost everyday, someone you talk male chicken with, laugh at dumb jokes with, eat with, survive field camps with, and most regrettably, sinfully take for granted... is about to step out of your life, just like that?

And just when I thought I could avoid feeling all torn up inside, sidestep all the unnecessary heartburn, they saluted me and said thank you...

To steal and modify a line from the serial Blueprints, "Friendship is measured by the size of the hole it leaves behind".

Jane Eyre

My family relates to domestic help in a very business-like way. Even though we have employed quite a number of maids over the years, the truth is, I've never been close to any of them.

Part of it is the commuication barrier, but I think another is because of the way we treat them. Not that we mistreat them, but just that we never make the effort to get to know them on a personal level.

The result?

Having someone close to your age, who's intelligent, lives in the same house as you, but who is ultimately a stranger to you.

It struck me the other day, when my Aunty Yati talked on the phone to her sister, how animated she suddenly became! How her voice was suddenly inflected with tones I've never heard from her, how completely spirited a character she suddenly assumed!

I could go on and on, but suffice to say that I paid a little more attention and realized just how lively and well-rounded a person she is. It made me feel really guilty for never trying to get to know her before, and the following line, from the book Jane Eyre, is a fitting rebuke to myself.

"Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!"

Captain's Ball & Scraped Knees

It was the only game they allowed us to play, for one whole term in Primary School. We didn't mind, of course, any game would do as long as we got a chance to escape the stuffy confines of the classrooms.

I particularly liked it, and would be one of the most enthusiastic players in the class. Always the first to change up. Always the first to prepare the court. Always the first to get injured.

There was once though, that I hurt myself worse than usual. Scraped my knees so bad I could swear I could see bone. Before I knew it I was bundled off to the side, and had them so thoroughly wrapped up I couldn't bend my knees anymore!

It hurt, a lot, but it was the last PE lesson of the term. When the pain subsided after a while, I wanted to rejoin the game, simply because it was my last chance to! But I thought about how my knees stung, and about how I didn't want to risk hurting myself again, and as the doubts sprouted like a poisoned flower I slowly put back the bandage I was beginning to unwrap.

And so I sat out the last PE lesson of the term while my favourite game played on. But maybe I shouldn't have, because time heals all wounds, and all the pain in the world at that moment cannot surpass all the regret I harbour now.

Total Eclipse Of The Heart

She wasn't supposed to be back till two months later, but last night she returned. Again.

It was on a hill, some unnamed, unconquered piece of virgin land that had no mark of humanity on it at all. Save for the two of us, standing at the very top while the winds rustled our hair and dried our lips. The tall grass swayed to some unheard, secret melody that only they could hear.

The setting sun occupied our full attention. Both of us just soundlessly stood and watched as the flaming sphere slowly slid off the horizon. Then it darkened, rapidly, and before we could react we were awash in inky darkness, with only the very rim of the sun left blazing in the sky.

That blackness closed the distance between us, two lone souls huddling for reassurance. I held her tight as it got colder.

"It's OK, I think it's just some eclipse..."

"Really?"

"Yes, something about Venus I think..."

Not a word more, but volumes more went unsaid. Then, as quickly as the night had descended upon us, it left, evaporating as the final middling rays pierced through. And I saw she had melted along with the night, slowly fading from my arms as the light was restored.

And then she was gone.

A Father's Love

It's been a pretty long time since I've read something and teared. Especially in the papers today, where the mishaps of life are so thoroughly documented that desensitization to tragedies happens to virtually everyone.

But something resonated when I read about little Satomi-chan, the girl who was murdered by her classmate. About her father translating his grief into a letter. The following words triggered something off in me, and I can only say that sometimes this world can be pretty cruel.

"Sat-chan. I'm sorry. You don't have to do any chores.

It's OK to play. Go on and play.

Eat as much candy and ice cream as you want."

Of Durians And Branding

It stood out almost immediately.

The smallest seed in the pod. The most pale. The most shrunken. Nestled in between a row of the juiciest, most-inviting durian seeds that would have made many a Fear Factor champion gag.

"What? I paid for a D-24 durian and I get this?"

Quickly eviscerated and disposed of, the little seed soon slipped from the consciousness of everyone gathered around the durians. Except mine.

I mean, what if it tasted good? Did anyone even try it? What if the fruit was allowed to grow a while longer - would that little seed blossom into a much larger one? Did it have any qualities the other seeds lacked? Was it special, not for being a D-24 seed, but for simply being itself?

What if it was in another unbranded durian? Would it have been enjoyed thoroughly, without anyone even saying anything about it?

Branding did injustice to that seed. Imagine what it does to people.

20 And Counting....

There were never so many people contending to become Human Being of The Week before.

I mean, last I knew Lucy Liu was winning hands down, then she lost to a primate, and then yesterday, there was a grand total of 20 people up for the award!

So thank you Kevin, Jiayun, Ziying, Siao Charn, Hao Yun, Si Lan, Nora, Ben, Limin, Charlotte, Shinmin, Kezheng, William, Wenzheng, Zhihao, Desmond, Weiqi, LTA Look, LTA Wong and 2LT Boo...

Let's just say you gave me strength to continue being the person I want to be. Your presence reminded me that somehow, everything I've been doing so far's been worth it. A good friend told me once that she pushes on in life simply because her friends believe in her, and if her friends can trust in her capability so much, she should persevere and make her dreams come true.

I'm glad I know exactly how she felt now. Thank you all again for making this year so special.

(BTW, the Human Being of the Week eventually went to... me.)

Soccer...

It occurred to me of late that it's very difficult to integrate into mainstream male society without expressing at least a silver of interest in soccer. I thought that if one was adamant enough about personal beliefs (ie. I think soccer's dumb) I could get by. If I was right I wouldn't be writing this, now, would I?

So I set about gaining a basic understanding of soccer, to lie credibly enough to make people think I love soccer. Bah, say what you want about giving in to peer pressure and all, I prefer to think of it as broadening my horizons. =)

Thus I had the following conversation with a friend over a soccer match, and by the end of it I had gained enough knowledge to seem hip.

Me: (as the match kicks off) So, how do you know who to support?
Friend: Well, you choose a team, love it, follow it.
M: (it's Man U Vs. Arsenal... I think) Fine. I choose Sembawang United.
F: Huh? Wa? (shakes head) Man, no, that aint hip.
M: Whatever. So it's more important to choose a cool team?
F: Not... exactly.
M: But basically yes right? So that it's more exciting when the big boys clash?
F: ... something like that.
M: (pause) So then, when do we cheer?
F: (weird look) When your team's winning, man.
M: But how do you tell when your team's winning?
F: Err... the ball's closer to the other team's goalpost?
M: Ok, but wouldn't it be easier to watch other people, and just cheer when they do?
F: (sighs) Yes, I guess you can.
M: (after careful observation) Besides cheering we curse the referee too right?
F: (distracted) Huh? No, we don't do it on purpose, but ya, mostly...
M: Hmm. (another pause) Why don't they have multi-ball? Like, spice it up?
F: What? (disgusted look) Man,that's dumb. Soccer's about skill man.
M: (just as Man U scores) So I cheer now?
F: What the hell? Did you see that? That's a foul!
M: Hmm. I'm sure that although instant replays and experienced referees on the ground couldn't perceive that foul, you could, by being a million miles away and judging from a lousy live feed.
F: Yeah man, Man U SUCKS!!!
Another friend: Yeah, go ARSENAL!!!
M: So why do you get so happy when your team wins? You had no part at all in their victory, but you cheer as if you helped them when they don't even know you exist. They earn tons off your back, and furthermore you let your own emotional cycles be ruled so completely by them?
F: Man U sucks!
AF: Arsenal rules!! Woo hoo!
M: Thank you for your time.

Sigh.

With Love Comes Distance?

Kings, in fairy tales, do it.

They lock their cursed daughters away in metaphorical towers, shielding them until the time is ripe. Even though they themselves yearn to hold and cherish their daughters as the years chip away at the precious time they have left. They endure the suffering in the knowledge is is for the better.

Soldiers, in wartime, do it.

They pay no heed to lovers, families who beg them to stay and forsake the wars. They leave for frontiers distant and alien, to fight meaningless wars, to shed blood selflessly. They endure the seperation in the knowledge that it is the only way to give their close ones a stab at peace, a chance at survival.

Closer to ordinary life, parents also do it.

They grit their teeth and punish their children when the young and inexperienced need it. Even though their hearts bleed when their children scream "I hate you!" in defiance. They endure the thankless rigors of parenthood in the knowledge that their progeny will make better people one day.

I did it too!

I wrapped my 6610 in a plastic cover. I can't delight in its soft texture playing upon my fingertips, can't feel it close to me anymore, but perhaps this way it might live to see the sun chase the moon a few more times.

Strange how sometimes in order to love someone, you have to allow distance to grow between you and them.

Out With The Old...

She hardly resisted as I ripped the life out of her. I pried her open, laid her bare, took what was most precious away. At the end of it she was too weak to mew, and like a tortured kitten she cowered in the corner. Silenced by the brutality of an unacknowledging ex-lover.

I thought I had steeled myself against her, but in my dreams she came. And she spoke,

When I first saw you I thought
You would be wise enough to see
That though throughout this life change is fraught
From such considerations we could be free
For if we harboured deep down in our souls
A passion and love so strong
We would overcome all obstacles life could pose
And prove all the skeptics wrong

I'm sorry, dear. I wish I could disabuse you of the pain I've caused, and go back to where we were... but I cannot. For he who denies change against the heavy hand of Time, only invites atrophy.

Forgive me.

(Err... I'm just feeling guilty because I traded in my 3310 for a 6610. Trust me, I was shamed to the roots as I took my SIM card out of her. I had dropped her before, misplaced her before, soaked her before... but she never looked as subdued as when I turned her off for the last time.

Sigh.)

Is It So Hard To Compliment?

So what happened was this. I met up with this friend on Vesak Day, and quite frankly, she was stunning. Really, really chio. Not that she's not gorgeous usually, but you know, even the sun flares up once in a while and becomes even hotter.

And of course I told her quite frankly what I thought of her! How I thought she was well dressed, how she was carrying herself with an air others can only wish for, how chio she was.

But she flat out thought I was lying! And she accused me of playing tricks with words and saying things I did not mean.

Sigh.

Maybe that's why you hardly hear people sincerely complimenting these days. Because too much of a good thing reeks of the impossible and untrue, and people tend to disbelieve rather than accept gladly.
Lesson learnt for me I guess.

But I still think you're chio!

Kumar

I went for a play recently, Not Guilty by Kumar. It was a play about his life, staged to dispel the heady rumors and gossip surrounding the man. Many went for the performance expecting another stand-up comic routine, and were left feeling shamefully guilty, almost as if they had laughed at a tragedy.

The reason simply was because Kumar, that night, dropped all the facades the public usually sees. He was finally fleshed out, a cardboard cartoon character acquiring 3D imperfections, problems and woes.

He talked about a loneliness which has haunted him for years. About how money and a satisfying job was just no longer enough. About how all he really, really wanted was a family to call his own.

The most striking line? "I don't want to push the envelope, I don't want to broaden horizons, I don't want to test the boundaries; I don't want to inspire, I don't want inspiration. I'm just not interested."

What drives a man to become a shell? An automaton driven by electric cells and gears and bolts, instead of heart, emotion, soul?

Hate sounding like a lovefool, but I suspect love ain't just another emotion, it's probably a very, very important fuel.

The Bonds We Forge

I went for a BBQ yesterday. It was with my army buddies, and it was a farewell for Shaun who's leaving to train in the US.

And I was prepared this time, for the heartache when I saw them all again. Not because I'm still traumatized from them stripping me, but because it reminded me of all the things we had gone through, about the lives we had all left behind.

I mean, I saw them there, all spinning off on tangents of their own, hurtling through life. I would never again be able to scream at them to please wash the freaking toilet, or endure the unending stores cleaning, or... just to book in and talk to each other about our weekends.

Don't you find it scary? That there's still so many years ahead, of learning to let go?

Nothing's going to stop me from watching The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. (Alex, you better come back soon, or else I'm gonna catch it without you!)

To MKL : All I Have To Give You Is This..

Hey you... I'm worried about you. You're really sliding quite fast, and I hate to see that happening to you. I know it's difficult to understand your exact position, and it's not easy for you to share it with people when you think it will not help, but you've got to recognize that you can indeed help yourself!

It's true, if you wanted to reduce this world to its bare elements you would probably find people to be selfish and individualistic, and that there's hardly any meaning in remaining chaste in thought and selfless in action. But remember that all it takes is for a group of people, believing in the same ideals, the same caring world, to come together to create a haven of their own, amidst a world too finely balanced between the desire to survive and the desire to assist!

I wrote the following for myself a while back when I was having colonel (ie. more serious than major) problems of my own, and it was very easy for me to make the whole poem extremely cynical, hopeless and dismal. But I didn't, and I would like to think that the little allowance I made for myself to recover and become nice and idealistic again made a difference!

I'll like to dedicate this poem to you, KL, though I think you might have read it before. You can go ahead and retreat into yourself, just remember that when you finally recover, we'll be waiting on the outside ya?

Oh Father in heaven hear my prayer
For without your guidance I am doomed to failure
Grant me strength to see me through
All present storms and those that ensue
In this urgent time of need
Please, my little prayer you must heed

Blind my eyes to all bad memories
I won't be complete but I won't miss the cavities
I refuse the baggage, the weight
I'd rather grow slower than stagnate
For what use are ghosts of the past
When even the good memories don't last?

Remove my sensitivity!
It's more a curse than a necessity
Consideration for others holds me back
It's strength I desire, hardness I lack
No longer can I suffer for others' sake
From this self-inflicted sadness I must awake

Will you suppress my conscience?
It's a hindrance, in this world without lenience
I simply cannot move as fast as my peers
Who climb so fast without any fears
To look forward thinking only of me
The horizon's further than I can see

But...

But most of all, for my relief
Please restore my belief
Make me see that people are worth trusting
Make me see that love is worth giving
Even if I may be hurt again
Give me faith that will not wane

Amen

Be strong, but in the process don't become hard. =)

It's All In The Perspective!

So as it went, I got a chance today to watch Shrek 2 with Zhihao, Jiayun and Alex. It was going to be a perfect day, because I was enjoying teaching my lessons in camp, and I was ahead on schedule, and I would have booked out just in time for the movie.

But then I had to do last minute duty, and I ended up with 15 mins to cab down to Lido. I was cursing away from 6pm till 8pm, super sore that I was so unlucky, but when I was in the cab I realised that it probably was a good thing!

Simply because it was a great chance for me to realise that I didn't mind rushing for them, in fact I relished the race against time just to be able to meet up with them!

I guess if you know me you'll know I'm being completely sincere when I say I really do treasure them... hiyar, I'll express it better once I'm done with sleeping and it rains again (inspiration), but I guess my dad's right, the most important thing you'll ever take away from school ain't the certificates at all.

Sigh, for all the anguish you've caused by being a complete and utter worm of a friend, I'll really miss you when you're overseas Silan! Come back soon ya. (That goes for you too Ivan Kaneshiro Huang)

Sunshine From The Past 2 : A Whole New World

At primary school we sat in clusters.

At night I would dream, dream of being on a stage, and this friend and I would be singing the theme from Aladdin. Singing under a jewelled nightsky, out to the inky darkness, no one else around for miles.

In our clusters we would chatter the whole day, doodling, playing, frustrating the teachers.

And I would wish so much that somehow I would be able to sing with my friend, this song that we both liked so much but never had the chance to croon together. That dreams would manifest, if only for a short short while...

And then one day as I was humming the song, I heard someone else join in, and without looking up I knew it was her. At the end of the period my work was undone, but my little wish thoroughly fulfilled.

Cynics often dismiss miracles as pure twists of fate, mere coincidences. I know they're wrong.

Sunshine From The Past 1 : Marion

I remember her, Marion. My age, petite, pony-tailed, eloquent, charming, exquisite.

I walked with her in the park once, with our parents trailing behind. I reached out and held her hand, and she gripped back, and we must have been the picture of innocence. Two kids, barely 9, unfettered with adult concerns, untouched by time.

"Teng! You must ask her before you hold her hand!"

I let go, turned to her, completely unashamed, took a little bow, "Miss Marion, may I please hold your hand?"

A little bob of the head, a child's rendition of a curtsey, "Yes, you may."

And so we held hands again, and walked on in that seemingly endless park.

Quarrelling

I saw an old couple quarrel today.

Both at least 50, with over 20 years of marraige. But quarrelling. In a good way, though. Quarrelling to point out loopholes, blindspots, to give each other a healthier, more complete view of the whole situation.

So quarrelling can be good, as long as it does not turn into arguing. How many couples have the strength to quarrel constructively? How many people suffer in silence, always giving in, never pointing out where their partners have gone wrong? How long do people take to grow up and become stronger?

Will I ever quarrel with you?

I hope I eventually do.

Lunch with Chris Lim!!

In a day where everything went so rarely well, quite possibly the brightest spark was my afternoon lunch break where I got to meet up with Chris Lim after sooooo long!

Limin's right... although he might have an air of comtemplation about him now, he's still as charming as ever. My time with him was short, but it was a completely enjoyable one... we chatted about tons of stuff, caught up lots too, and I'm glad to know I can have lunch with him more often in the future.

It got me thinking though... about social circles. Where's the balance between meeting new people and investing energy in current relationships? An article in Life in the Straits Times talked about blind dates and how people nowadays need them more than before, because so many people don't have time to find new friends.

Life really should come with a save and load option. But then again. I doubt we would appreciate the risks and excitement that's intertwined with life.

To get all these heavy stuff out of your mind though, just give Chris a call! He'll cheer you up! (To Chris, do one more good thing for me and you'll be Human Being of The Week!)

Rain...

I've never really met another who loves rain so much.

I mean, most people I know abhor it. Hate it for ruining their outdoor plans, for keeping them indoors, for making them wet, for dampening their moods...

And the people who love it? For reasons that are vastly different from mine... love it for letting them sleep in, love it for cancelling army training, love it for making the weather more tolerable...

I love it for calming and inspiring me!

Everytime it rains I just stop what I'm doing, and somehow, as I look at the way each drop falls so purposefully, I feel this weird stirring inside... all my worries, all my tiredness washes away, and this sense of well being just comes and takes root at my core. I'll stand rooted, for a few seconds, and I'll teem with energy again, wherever I am, whatever I am doing...

Rain makes time go slow, even slower than first kisses do.

Rain makes me want to write, to struggle in vain to convey the beauty of it all with words.

Rain... renews me.

Second 16th Poem

Was going to write a cute nonsensical poem about snails, but found this other one written sooo very long ago... so here it is. A few of you might find it familiar!

I named this one "You Silly Boy"

You silly boy
Has anything ever waited for you?
Does time flow slower, thinking to give you a miss,
While the flowers never wilt
And the sparkle in young girls' eyes never dull,
Whilst young acorns refuse to burst from their coats...

Everything moves on
Oak trees die while young ones feed upon them
The sun pursues the moon, endlessly, tirelessly,
Clouds dissipate, come together, and dissipate once more
Blink and you might not even see me again
You silly boy.

My Sunday Shooting Star

What are the chances that you will ever read this? Or that you'll even know I'm writing this to you?

I remember meeting you, that humid Sunday, on the shuttle bus to dance class. And I remember exactly how I sat behind you, thinking of whether to go up and say hi, mulling over this particular little crossroads in life... and I was glad I did!

You haven't stopped amazing me since. Everytime you dance, you exude such radiance that I'm surprised no one else notices? And like that line from Prince and Me, it's been a freaking long time since I've met a girl who so intimidates me. Even though I've always held that life is too short for hesitation, that opportunities lost will never return, I just can't seem to stop my spheres from shrinking everytime I'm about to ask you for your number!

I'll get your number eventually. =)

First 16th Poem

Well, here's the first of my 16th poems. Haha, as you can guess, they are all written on the 16th of each month... and well, I hope one day I run out of inspiration to write any more 16th poems. When that happens, well, it would only mean there's no more need for such a release!

My first one... I'll call it "Set Me Free"

Fevered dreams and endless nights
Silent screams and fitful plights
All conspire to subdue me

In light I run, in darkness I hide
Before I'm undone, preserve my pride
Will you just let me be?

Peaceful sleep and restful days
On reality a firm grip, my pain to defray
Is all I ask for

To move on bravely and unafraid
To not be weary and not be waylaid
To be free once more

Choosing your own path

I went to this friend's website, and was blown away by what a fantastic person she is. She does art, she does music, she's intelligent, she's sociable, she dances like quicksilver... and because I know her in real life, I know that she's mentioned more than once that she feels that she's underachieving and that she wants to be much more.

I respect her reflection... as another friend said, it's tough when you're competing with yourself?

But life's a bit like that I guess. There's just too much to do in life, to ever do it all at one shot! You can be a freaking good piano player, but you'll probably miss out on the time to train in well, blogging dumb crap (sigh) right?

So to the two friends who told me today that you wish you were more than what you are... it's true, you both can be better people, but you two have skills and a uniqueness other people cannot ever hope to emulate! You are really special in your own way, recognize your strengths, appreciate them!

Even if all you can do is tell lame jokes, your friends will be there to appreciate them. I testify to this, personally! Haha.

Goodbye 7 SIB DML Course

My most recent course ended today, and as I bid my men farewell, heartstrings I thought I had severed so long ago were tugged all over again...

Do you have any idea how wonderful the feeling is when a platoon of men are entrusted to you, and you and the men bond together through all sorts of training? When the men come to you with their problems, and then when you help solve them they come to thank you? When everyone bitches about when the course will end, and then when it does, somehow mourn the passing of a wonderful time never to return?

I'm so torn sometimes... the closer I get to them the more fulfilling the relationship I share with them, but also more intense the pain when they leave... it's like how one day after they leave, the camp somehow seems so empty? And the corridors echo with the sounds of their boots, of their laughter, of their pleas for mercy as you punish them...

For those of you shitheads out there who still want officership for the money, I'm not taking some moral highground here, but if you have no interest in serving the country, at least be there for your men, because you're in a position to make their lives that much better. And they trust you will do it!

It never really is easy letting go, in life, is it?

The Couple at the Canteen!

I've decided I won't detail too much of my routine army life in these pages! Instead, I'm going to start pointing out all the little miracles that go on in camp, otherwise I'll litter my blog with "I woke up late today" and "I screwed up... again"

So... today I'll tell you about this couple at my camp's canteen!

Before you get any funny ideas... they're actually the two shopkeepers at this little coffeeshop at my canteen. What was really nice was this... I was queueing up for food today, and then in front of me was this large group of people who were trying to order food all at the same time. So of course there was a certain amount of confusion, and the wife collected the wrong amount of money, and when someone pointed out her mistake, she said "Gosh!" and stood there stunned for a while.

You see, I was bracing myself, because tension was high with all the activity, and when the husband glared at his wife and there was this general envelope of silence, I was sooooo very sure a mini squabble would ensue where the husband would say something mean to his wife in front of everyone, and inflict unintentional pain that never really would go away?

And then they laughed! Right there and then!

And it warmed my heart... while everyone didn't know what the inside joke was, the two of them just laughed and laughed and laughed... and it occurred to me that these two have weathered so very much in all their years together? That it really take a monumental stoke of fate to ever cause a serious rift between them?

If you're in a relationship now (yes u, my valuable reader), do keep my canteen couple in mind? I don't exactly know what lesson you can draw from it, but I think there's lots to learn from them?

Love will last as long as you let it live. =)

To the Thomson Muggers

Hey, Ivan and Alex, if you drop by, this poem is for the 2 of you!

Hello starlights of my sky,
I press you not for a reply
But this friday will we meet?
Because a parting bittersweet
Is drawing close too fast too quick
And I fear that I'll be sick
With longing, with tears, with pain
For when will we meet again?

Let's meet let's meet let's meet! =)