The Irresistable Sweetness Of....

It was the glint in his eyes that lent all the weight to his words.

A particularly serious, determined glint. Was it a trick of the light? I couldn't be sure, but contextually speaking, what with the bitter grin he was wearing and the velvety threatening undertones in his voice, chances were he meant every word of it.

I tried my best to defuse the situation. I employed an old trick in the book, simultaneously tyring to lighten the mood and make him see that I could empathize, identify with him.Then when he could see that I was on his side, I would attempt to bring him round to his senses.

"Haha, you know, I thought of the exact same thing myself. But nah, in the end you'll find that it's all meaningless, then you'll just give it up."

Sigh.

It's bad enough, in my opinion, when a couple breaks up. Whether the separation was an amicable one or not, both parties will usually experience an immense sense of loss initially, and will harbour a silver of doubt for a long, long time as to whether it was the right move, breaking up. From the sidelines, every relationship dissolution never fails to dim my day. I find myself pondering the unharvasted possibilities that will never bear fruit, and feel genuinely, sincerely sad for the parties involved.

It's bad enough to see real love, care and concern somehow just melt away. It's worse to see them deforming into bitterness, anger, hatred.

"You see, just when you want to inflict the masterstroke that will hurt her, pay her back for all that she's done to you, justified or not, you'll realise that there's no point to it. She's already happier with someone else, why woo her back just to dump her? To make her feel what you're feeling now? Come on, after all, you once had unmeasurable reserves of love and tenderness for her, why don't..."

"Hanting. You know what's the difference between you and me?" Silence. "I will do it."

And with that he strode away, still grinning wildly.

Everybody knows that it will taint your soul, smear your conscience with an indelible smudge. But sometimes, our weak wills yield to the irresistable sweetness of Revenge.

Where is the love, the love, the love....

Polygamy

I was out with a bunch of friends, at the recently concluded Army Open House, when we passed by this particular booth exhibiting the Army's new thrusts into the online world. For some reason, to promote the new Army portal they chose to have a few scantily clad girls demonstrate the portal's special qualities. Right. I wonder who was getting more hits, the portal or the girls.

So anyway, because we were a bunch of guys, we were all like "Hey, hey, let's go over and look at the girls." I abstained, due to the fact that I had already accessed the portal previously, and then noticed that another of my friends was hesitating as well.

This friend, a Bruneian trainee, obviously had trouble fending off the peer pressure then directed at him. For some reason he really wasn't very excited about going up to see the girls, and then it struck me. "Aha!" I said, "Noji, you've got a girlfriend right?"

"No lah, I'm married already."

"But wait, I thought you can marry more than once?"

"Can, under Islamic law I can. Up to a maximum of four."

The rest of us took a sinful moment to indulge in the imagining of a life with four wives. My friend burst out then, unable to control his curiousity despite the possibility of sounding offensive, "Then why don't you?!?"

Noji shook his head a tad too sadly, then replied. "Cannot lah, my wife will get angry."

Further proof that feisty women are more effective than laws upon laws upon laws.

Attention All Club Members

THE FOLLOWING IS A NOTICE TO ALL 105 OFFICIAL FAN CLUB MEMBERS

Dear members, we were just notified today that in less than THREE months Hanting might be fitted with braces. To cope with this drastic change, the following policy modifications will take effect IMMEDIATELY.

1. No Kiss Ration Coupons can be exchanged after 1 January 2005. All members are advised to use their Kiss Coupons at the earliest opportunity.

2. Members with ID Numbers 01 - 20 have been given priority, and can exchange their coupons from 20 September 2004 onwards.

3. Members with ID Numbers 21 - 105 can only start exchanging their coupons after 01 October 2004. Any earlier attempt to claim Kisses by Members 21 - 105 will NOT be entertained.

4. The Fan Club Management (FCM) recognises that due to popular demand some Kiss Ration Coupons have surfaced in the black market, and are now in the possession of unregistered Fans. No claims from unregistered Fans will be entertained.

5. Starting from the month of October, FCM will be issuing Bear Hug Ration Coupons in lieu of the Kiss Ration Coupons. Please make sure you, as a registered Member, receive the replacement Coupons.

HE IS CURRENTLY UPGRADING IN ORDER TO SERVE YOU BETTER. WE APOLOGISE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED.

=)

16th....

If I do not do anything
You will leave soon, once more
Do you not bother or are you just waiting
Enduring this cold, cold war?

Whatever would make you assume
I wouldn't want to see or talk to you?
Or would I be wrong to presume
That the things you have to say to me are simply too few?

The cruellest part of it all
Is that I am probably the only one remaining
The only one who can still recall
All the memories worth treasuring

I feel that if I was to completely let go
And forget all that we had
The world will never be able to know
The special past we shared

And how can I let that happen?
To let our history just melt away?
To say the least I am reluctant
Thus with me a bit of us will always stay

Foolish or stubborn? Foolish and stubborn?
You can say what you want of me
Who knows, maybe yet one day I'll learn
That it's much better to be free

Lucy And AnnMarie

The room was quiet. There was none of the buzz nor lively rhythmn that is so characteristic of most Operations Rooms, the heart of every army camp. We sat silently in a circle, the rain swallowing us from outside, drowning out all sound with its monotonous, incessant beat. Though nothing was said, you could sense immediately that this wasn't a group of people just sitting around bathed in gloominess, but a group of people waiting for something, and waiting very, very anxiously.

And then the door burst open, with a clap of thunder right on cue. The weary stranger, looking tired and gaunt, out of place with his strange out-landish clothes, grit his teeth and said,

"I am here. For I am the Photocopier Man."

Life throbbed hard in the Operations Room, once those words sliced through the immense suspense. The elders hopped out of their chairs, guiding The One to Lucy. I held the hands of those around me, mouth agape, unable to believe that the time had finally come. The expressions we wore then reflected the relief and hope that had been born anew, which like twin shining beacons had already driven off the darkness of the past month. The young ones ran around and played again, freed of an oppressive silence they didn't understand. All eyes were on The One.

He placed his strange, magical bag on the ground beside him, took Lucy in his arms and took a good long look. Finally, he grimly muttered, "Looks bad, but I should be able to do something for her." Our relief was then complete, for finally, eventually, Lucy would return to the folds of the living.

And as The One began his healing, I was probably the only person in the gathering crowd that was fearful, uneasy. A dark secret, nested in me, burned painfully inside. I know other people would understand, but would Lucy? If I told her that I am a man, I too have my needs, would she forgive me when I explained how AnnMarie had come into my life during the dark month that she was gone?

I caught myself thinking these dangerous thoughts, and chuckled quietly. As long as Lucy was well again, as long as she could live and breathe freely again, what did it matter, whether she still wanted me? What did it matter that I would never be able to see her again, cherish her the exact same way, if she was happy?

Unnoticed, I walked to the door and slipped out. As I walked away I could hear the chorus of cheers and jubilation from behind the closed door, and I could somehow feel Lucy again, almost as if the bond was still there. But time rolls on, and my time with her was over.

Oh, Lucy. If only you knew.

A Close Shave

So, it happened like this.

I was messaging some of my friends, wanting to share with them the joy bundled in me (no, not the unborn-one kind) that had stemmed from a particularly smooth sailing driving lesson. But a slip of the fingers led me to messaging this girl (whom we shall call XXX) instead of this other friend (XXX YY).

I thought nothing of it, even though XXX and I are hardly more than acquaintances. After not attending my phone for a while, I came back to it only to find that she had called me twice. She had also sent a short casual message acknowledging my efforts, and I thought, what the heck, it would be nice to call back and just say thanks.

Who would be thinking of Murphy's Law at a time like this? Yes, her boyfriend picked up. Haha.

But then again, no-one could possibly not feel threatened. =)

One Last Uniform

When I opened my wardrobe this morning, ready to change up to go to work, I found but one set of uniform. One *last* set of uniform.

It's like how addicts or workaholics 'wake up' one day to find themselves in a situation that has completely spun out of control, and are subsequently so shocked that they resolve to begin anew. They painfully try to distance themselves from the bad habits they have come to cultivate, and resolve to do what's right instead of what's convenient. I guess it's about time for me too.

You see, the past two weeks or so have been outrageously decadent, in retrospect. I cannot remember how it exactly began, but I suspect it started when discipline at work commenced its downward slide. As two of my colleagues entered the final phase of their NS life, or 'ORD Mood', the entire office seemed plagued with a certain lethargy and complacency.

The Mood's highly infectious. There's no way, in my opinion, a NSF can continue his work dilligently when his colleagues are Mooding. When the guy next to you at work talks about clearing leave, preparing for University, relinquishing work to understudies and going for holidays, your grip on a healthy work philosophy slips.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but yes, I've been guilty of it. I've stayed up way too late (thus diminishing my alertness and enthusiasm at work), procrastinated just about everything you can possible procrastinate (my blog, the mountain of fan mail I've not replied) and basically just lived from day to day, "chasing down every single temporary high". It didn't help that work's been particularly heavy, such that when the day is done I am so completely sapped of spirit that I lack the will to do anything at all.

Things hit rock bottom when I found that I had only had one last set of uniform in my wardrobe. Where was the meticulous packing and maintenance of my personal upkeep? How could I, a full-time soldier, end up with only one stupid uniform in camp?

Shameful. =(

Mood Conditioning

One of the more serious criticisms I've had to fend off over the years has been that I'm a bit too soft hearted. Besides these blind people who cannot recognize Macho-ness even if it bit them on the nose, I've also had well-meaning advice from close friends who do not want to see me being 'eaten'.

Which was about the time I hit upon the perfect solution.

It began the other night that I went clubbing at Phuture, even though long before I entered the club I was already drained from a hectic work schedule (that's another long blog). I ended up having supper with my friend at 5am, reached home by 6am, slept for 40 mins and went to work again.

I noticed it then, for the first time! Even though I was still the same person inside, due to a lack of sleep I became crabby, moody, easily irritated etc. People who usually joked with me ceased to do so, and my colleagues treaded a bit more carefully.

And ta-da! Instant macho-ness potion! I've pulled off a few other all-nighters since then, mainly for my application essays, and I'm quite amazed at how much abuse the human body can absorb. So if you need to change your mood to be more serious and volatile at work, or if you want to calm your hyperactive children, remember, sleep is the ke...zzzzzzzz........

Back At Last

First of all, let me apologize if you have been visiting this blog and finding nothing new to read.

It's not that my brain has not been teeming with things to write about. I'm glad I still see big things in small everyday things, and that I still have the inspiration to write. It's just that inspiration strikes in the middle of a meeting, or during training, or any virtually any other juncture than when I'm at the computer doing work.

Work has been maniacal. Applications for Uni are worse. Even fending off the hordes of female screaming teenage fans has been half-hearted.

Thank you for being patient. I'm back, for the time being, at least. =)