Sometimes, I pity Primary school English teachers. I believe that given a chance they would burn all past year essay topics, and start the slate clean with new topics. Topics which invirogate the mind and stimulate the soul.
I cannot imagine the tedium of wading through a million essays on the same topic, year after year. Can you imagine how depressed a teacher is when she tells her class of 30 Primary school kids to write about why their mother is special to them?
She's depressed, because she knows, to her very bones, that come the deadline, she's gonna read 30 essays about how their mothers showed exceptional love and care when they were ill. 30 varying accounts of illness so severe they were confined to their beds, 30 identical accounts of slavish, caring, loving, doting mothers.
In fact, just to differentiate the essays enough for grading purposes, she'll probably give marks for how many different ways they manage to say "loving" or "caring", or for the vividness of description of illness. Or, she might just throw the papers into the air, ranking the papers by the order in which they float to the ground first.
It all either means that this country is producing entire crops of mothers with all the right values, or our young are watching too much TV.
In any case, an interesting thing is that if you were to task older children the same essay, you start seeing very diverse variations. The older the target group, the smaller the probability of encountering the same TLC-effusing scenarios.
There is only one valid hypothesis. The older you get, the less TLC you get from parents. And, as I found out, from friends and loved ones as well.
Take today for instance. I caught a flu bug that's been going round, and crawled home feeling completely washed out. When I spotted my mum coming home, I jumped onto the couch, curled up in a foetal position, and started making little whimpering noises. For effect, I tried to spasm once in a while.
"Wa. Tough day at school is it? Must sleep more." Then, she was gone.
More drastic action was necessary. I lurched to her room, and sprawled across the floor, tongue hanging out for effect.
"Mum, I think I'm sick. I feel feverish......"
"Take Panadol. Have your dinner. Then sleep!" She then stepped over me, and left the room.
Feeling completely foolish and hurt and unwanted and unloved by now, I retreated to my room and tore up all my Primary school essays on family life. I larked the night away, and when Haoyun came online, I rejoiced. Finally, some sympathy and compassion.
HT: Feeling sick, had running nose for damn long today. Sianz. Now got headache. =(
HY: Erm. Take Panadol.
HT: Wa, only prescribe medication, no TLC?!?!?!??!?!?!
HY: Panadol is good. Dun take too many though... paracetamol overdose can give u acute liver failure.
HT: ..... does that count as TLC.
HY: Yes.
HT: =(
(On the subject of MSN conversations, the one funny thing that did happen today was the following.
HT: Wa, I think I know what I am down with.
Jared: What.
HT: I think it is goodlookingnitis.
J: That's bad. I got it long time ago too. Even worse, mine's terminal.
Oh, poor delusional friend of mine.)
Again, you might ask, what's the point of telling me all this? Of course we know that the TLC you get decreases as you get older! Why, you don't see people coddling adults like they children do you? Whatever happened to resiliance and independance?
The point is this - if people are so accustomed to not receiving TLC, that they have learnt to live without it, imagine how they would melt if you suddenly showered them with a full blast of sustained TLC!
After you manage to convince them that you are not trying to borrow money or get them to change their wills, just watch the glow spread from inside as they bask in your undivided attention and concern.
Seriously, though, do spare some time today to reach out to a friend or loved one, and give them a hug and tell them you appreciate them. We humans tend to take things for granted once in a while, and remember, it's always nice to be appreciated, even when there's no reason for it.
Me? I'm off.
I'm going to write an essay about Panadol and the impact it has made on my life.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Friendship Test
I've got enough time for a quick post!
Need a quick and convenient way to figure out who your friends are, and what they think of you? Look no further!
Step 1: Approach your subject. Engage in light, easy-going conversation to get him off his guard. Limit to about 3~5 minutes.
Note: Create as natural an environment as possible. Ensure that there is no gleam in your eyes. You could wait around a corner until you hear your friend approach, walk out and bump into him, then say, "Oh my goodness it's so good to see you after so long! What are you doing here?"
(Above model subject-engagement method does not work as well with classmates or close friends. Exercise common sense)
Step 2: Begin the test by saying, "Well, I hope I manage to do well in my present course, I don't have many alternative career paths open to me." Tailor this Opening to your individual style.
Note: Do not abruptly insert this opening. If your friend is heatedly attacking the tenets of the abortionist movement, for example, do not suddenly interject with the Opening. Similarly, if your friend is crying over a lost love, keep the Test for another day.
If you need to ask why, this test is not meant for you.
Step 3: Hopefully, your friend will take the bait and ask you whether you have ever considered doing anything other than law/medicine/engineering/living off your parents' hard earned money. If your subject does ask this, you're on the right track. Well done.
Note: If your subject is the submissive or blur kind, and says 'Oh, ok' to everything you say, you've got to try harder to make him ask the question. The Test would fail otherwise. Consider a Paris Hilton approach, ie "Oh I wonder what other careers I would have tried out, and I wish my friends would ask me so that we can talk about it!"
Caution - a Paris Hilton approach with any subject above 5 years old runs an approximately 85% chance that the game would be given away.
Step 4: Say, "Oh, I was thinking maybe medicine, or engineering, or teaching, or modelling." Watch for response. If your subject splutters and sprays his drink halfway across the room in shocked condescension, aghast at how unrealistically you view yourself, the bright side is, you get to save money on one birthday present for that year.
Note: This final step allows for much flexibility. If you wanted to figure out if your subject thought you were a psychomotor-moron, for example, you could substitute Step 4 with "... maybe teaching, or writing, or professional juggling." The possibilities are endless.
Step 5: Analysis of results is next. The question is, what would a true friend say? When someone tells you an untruth to make you feel better, is he doing you a favor or an injustice? Is it true that people merely want to hear what is good for the ego, instead of what is truly good for them?
I don't know about you, but after the test yielded suspiciously similar results from 5 different friends, I chose to happily pull the wool back over my eyes.
Life is a bit easier like this.
Need a quick and convenient way to figure out who your friends are, and what they think of you? Look no further!
Step 1: Approach your subject. Engage in light, easy-going conversation to get him off his guard. Limit to about 3~5 minutes.
Note: Create as natural an environment as possible. Ensure that there is no gleam in your eyes. You could wait around a corner until you hear your friend approach, walk out and bump into him, then say, "Oh my goodness it's so good to see you after so long! What are you doing here?"
(Above model subject-engagement method does not work as well with classmates or close friends. Exercise common sense)
Step 2: Begin the test by saying, "Well, I hope I manage to do well in my present course, I don't have many alternative career paths open to me." Tailor this Opening to your individual style.
Note: Do not abruptly insert this opening. If your friend is heatedly attacking the tenets of the abortionist movement, for example, do not suddenly interject with the Opening. Similarly, if your friend is crying over a lost love, keep the Test for another day.
If you need to ask why, this test is not meant for you.
Step 3: Hopefully, your friend will take the bait and ask you whether you have ever considered doing anything other than law/medicine/engineering/living off your parents' hard earned money. If your subject does ask this, you're on the right track. Well done.
Note: If your subject is the submissive or blur kind, and says 'Oh, ok' to everything you say, you've got to try harder to make him ask the question. The Test would fail otherwise. Consider a Paris Hilton approach, ie "Oh I wonder what other careers I would have tried out, and I wish my friends would ask me so that we can talk about it!"
Caution - a Paris Hilton approach with any subject above 5 years old runs an approximately 85% chance that the game would be given away.
Step 4: Say, "Oh, I was thinking maybe medicine, or engineering, or teaching, or modelling." Watch for response. If your subject splutters and sprays his drink halfway across the room in shocked condescension, aghast at how unrealistically you view yourself, the bright side is, you get to save money on one birthday present for that year.
Note: This final step allows for much flexibility. If you wanted to figure out if your subject thought you were a psychomotor-moron, for example, you could substitute Step 4 with "... maybe teaching, or writing, or professional juggling." The possibilities are endless.
Step 5: Analysis of results is next. The question is, what would a true friend say? When someone tells you an untruth to make you feel better, is he doing you a favor or an injustice? Is it true that people merely want to hear what is good for the ego, instead of what is truly good for them?
I don't know about you, but after the test yielded suspiciously similar results from 5 different friends, I chose to happily pull the wool back over my eyes.
Life is a bit easier like this.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
To Read Or Not To Read...
Two night ago I received concrete proof that Hanting 21 has, basically, completely failed.
A little explanation is in order. Inspired by the Singapore 21 blueprint a while back, I sat down to chart my desired personal growth for the next few years.
There was probably over-ambition on my part though. Instead of aspiring to be well-rounded (of which I might literally be now boohoo) I simply listed every desirable male characteristic I could think of, thus things like "able to feel genuinely happy and concerned everytime Liver United or whatever-you-call-it-scores" and "able to enjoy rugby whole-heartedly" made the list.
Of course, things haven't changed much. I can't seem to run more than a few kilometres without feeling like I'm giving birth, I still don't congregate at smoky pubs to watch grown men kick a piece of dead cow around, and I watch cool cars zip by without having the slightest idea what engine chassis powers them.
For all I know, they're running on Floo powder.
But I digress. Two nights ago after dinner out, I chanced upon this new quaint little bookshop, and basically experienced feelings akin to a mother holding her newborn for the first time. I rushed inside and lost myself amidst the shelves, burbling with joy everytime I came across a familiar title.
And then, in a moment of extreme weakness, on impulse I bought... my very first Terry Pratchett book. Never did I think that $15 could buy you a little slice of Heaven.
30 minutes later, the shame emerged from the crevice it was hiding it, and overwhelmed me in its entirety. How could I face the world like this, in my bona-fide Geek Mode? What the heck was I doing being happy with buying a book, in an age when only gadgets, girls and sports should be the foundation of the meaning of life for men?
My personal joy quickly became my personal disgrace. I had to stand at Borders and pretend to be interested in FHM for an hour before the social pressure and shame began to subside.
Ahh... yes. Me man, no read big words, like pictures.
The National Library Board has always been in a tizzy over the reading habits of Singaporeans, and rightly so too. Over the years the majority of friends I've made might haven recognized the value and pleasure of reading, but a much smaller proportion actually do so.
In fact, I remember being completely unnerved by a friend who told me, proudly even, that he has never read more than 5 books for leisure in his (sorry) 15 year life. That's like going to Sara Lee and professing your hatred for cakes.
I guess the truth is that books are just not popular as I thought they were, for far too many reasons. Books are boring because they are slow-moving, books fail to create the same intense experience as movies, books take forever to complete. It's amazing how many reasons people will come up with to discharge their guilt.
Given the importance of reading and how you cannot leave it to chance that your kids will develop the reading habit, I delved into teaching methods designed to help your children foster the reading bug.
Although there are many different schools of thought, the general idea seems to be that you need to start them off young. Reading to children before bedtime, or setting a personal example, or encouraging instead of deriding your child everytime he or she picks up a book (aiyoh Ah Seng why read so much read will help you grow brain meh) all help too.
If all else fails I say you should just go and beat them with a chair until they see the importance of reading. Yes, it might hurt you more than it hurts them (though I doubt it), but a little discipline is good in the long run.
I personally have to read something for leisure once in a while, or else I literally feel starved and imbalanced. Reading cases in law just doesn't cut it - in less than half a page the protagonist grows up, gets hit by a car, suffers great injustice, overcomes personal hurdles and sues the butt off the driver.
Sometimes the story ends without you knowing anything more than the hero's first name, which says a lot about developing feeling for the characters involved. After every ten pages or so, I feel like I've been having a row of emotionless one-night stands.
Maybe one day society will progress to the point when avid readers need no longer hide, and can step out from the shadows. When there would be smoky pubs full of people who sit and debate Pratchett, when the rite of passage for young males would be finishing the Wheel of Time in one sitting instead of purchasing their first FHM.
Only time would tell.
A little explanation is in order. Inspired by the Singapore 21 blueprint a while back, I sat down to chart my desired personal growth for the next few years.
There was probably over-ambition on my part though. Instead of aspiring to be well-rounded (of which I might literally be now boohoo) I simply listed every desirable male characteristic I could think of, thus things like "able to feel genuinely happy and concerned everytime Liver United or whatever-you-call-it-scores" and "able to enjoy rugby whole-heartedly" made the list.
Of course, things haven't changed much. I can't seem to run more than a few kilometres without feeling like I'm giving birth, I still don't congregate at smoky pubs to watch grown men kick a piece of dead cow around, and I watch cool cars zip by without having the slightest idea what engine chassis powers them.
For all I know, they're running on Floo powder.
But I digress. Two nights ago after dinner out, I chanced upon this new quaint little bookshop, and basically experienced feelings akin to a mother holding her newborn for the first time. I rushed inside and lost myself amidst the shelves, burbling with joy everytime I came across a familiar title.
And then, in a moment of extreme weakness, on impulse I bought... my very first Terry Pratchett book. Never did I think that $15 could buy you a little slice of Heaven.
30 minutes later, the shame emerged from the crevice it was hiding it, and overwhelmed me in its entirety. How could I face the world like this, in my bona-fide Geek Mode? What the heck was I doing being happy with buying a book, in an age when only gadgets, girls and sports should be the foundation of the meaning of life for men?
My personal joy quickly became my personal disgrace. I had to stand at Borders and pretend to be interested in FHM for an hour before the social pressure and shame began to subside.
Ahh... yes. Me man, no read big words, like pictures.
The National Library Board has always been in a tizzy over the reading habits of Singaporeans, and rightly so too. Over the years the majority of friends I've made might haven recognized the value and pleasure of reading, but a much smaller proportion actually do so.
In fact, I remember being completely unnerved by a friend who told me, proudly even, that he has never read more than 5 books for leisure in his (sorry) 15 year life. That's like going to Sara Lee and professing your hatred for cakes.
I guess the truth is that books are just not popular as I thought they were, for far too many reasons. Books are boring because they are slow-moving, books fail to create the same intense experience as movies, books take forever to complete. It's amazing how many reasons people will come up with to discharge their guilt.
Given the importance of reading and how you cannot leave it to chance that your kids will develop the reading habit, I delved into teaching methods designed to help your children foster the reading bug.
Although there are many different schools of thought, the general idea seems to be that you need to start them off young. Reading to children before bedtime, or setting a personal example, or encouraging instead of deriding your child everytime he or she picks up a book (aiyoh Ah Seng why read so much read will help you grow brain meh) all help too.
If all else fails I say you should just go and beat them with a chair until they see the importance of reading. Yes, it might hurt you more than it hurts them (though I doubt it), but a little discipline is good in the long run.
I personally have to read something for leisure once in a while, or else I literally feel starved and imbalanced. Reading cases in law just doesn't cut it - in less than half a page the protagonist grows up, gets hit by a car, suffers great injustice, overcomes personal hurdles and sues the butt off the driver.
Sometimes the story ends without you knowing anything more than the hero's first name, which says a lot about developing feeling for the characters involved. After every ten pages or so, I feel like I've been having a row of emotionless one-night stands.
Maybe one day society will progress to the point when avid readers need no longer hide, and can step out from the shadows. When there would be smoky pubs full of people who sit and debate Pratchett, when the rite of passage for young males would be finishing the Wheel of Time in one sitting instead of purchasing their first FHM.
Only time would tell.
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