Signs

I am always careful when I listen to friends' accounts of how they have received signs, of the divine sort.

It is because I recognize that coincidences do happen, and that the human mind when unguarded will mistakenly recognize the wrong things as positive signs. My fear is that we may sometimes lead ourselves down the wrong paths if we were to give undue weight to certain coincidences or phenomena.

Well, today I received one myself, and I wonder how I will eventually come to acknowledge it. A sign, or pure coincidence?

You see, this morning I couldn't really get to sleep again. There was just this potent sense of loneliness that beseiged me as I lay in bed in the dark, and I thought of how the whole world was sleeping and away. It was like being on MSN when your entire friends list is marked as "Busy" or "Away".

After I had eventually managed to doze off, I awoke abruptly at 6, and simply could not get back to sleep. And so, taking a leaf from a friend's book, I decided to walk out and seek a nearby chapel, one that I've always passed by but never really paid much attention to.

My intention was merely to be in a place away from home where I could think and search for answers, or more accurately, understanding. I had wondered about how I would interact with any church members who might have been there, but in any case it was still early, and the shutters to the doors were down.

So I sat on a little staircase nearby, just thinking about things and searching for the strength and resolve to move on. And, within 2 minutes of me closing my eyes, a mere 120 seconds of me thinking about the horrid lonely night I just spent...

... I felt a cat brush past me.

This orange tabby cat, this majestic looking, sharp-eyed feline, started encircling me. He (I think) first nuzzled my legs, then put its head near my tummy (got space la I know what you're thinking), and basically just threw itself at me, purring whenever I stroked it, nuzzling me all over. He never left me all the time I sat there, and even followed me a little ways when I left for home.

(I wasn't used to this because it was the first time I've had a cat, or an animal for that matter, so unconditionally throw itself at me. Human beings I've learnt to get used to.)

That walk home, I felt at peace again.

Was that a sign, I wonder now. It could be (A), that I attract stray cats, who need a scratching / rubbing post that's warm. It could also be (B), that it was trying to tell me that I'm not really that alone, sometimes.

I'll leave that conclusion-finding till later. Meanwhile, I'm appreciating the respite this brought.