Her World

Do forgive me if my posts aren't as funny or amusing for a while! It's the exams, and faced with a choice between blogging normal posts and not blogging because my posts aren't amusing, I'll rather blog. =)

Anyways, I was paid a high compliment recently by a friend who said I was one of the more moral people he knew. Interestingly, feedback I've received seem to indicate that my moral convictions manifest overwhelmingly in one facet... in the way I treat girls. Or ladies, if you happen to be a bit older.

This was somehow most apparant in the army. There was once when my OC (that's the senior officer in charge of us) and I went off to comfort a fellow officer who had just broken up. The way we comforted him... you can see for yourself.

Friend: (sobbing)

Me: Hey, you know, it's not that bad... you two can't be together now, but think of all the good times you two...

Friend: (sobs harder and louder)

Me: Er! No! I mean, what you two had was very special, and it's not something everyone gets to experience, so cherish the times...

Friend: (starts bawling)

OC: Hanting what the hell are you doing! Get lost get lost! (turns to Friend) Ok, you listen to me. Did you get to squeeze her ****s or not. Answer me.

Friend: (stops crying for a while, dazed look upon face, nods)

OC: (laughing) Then its ok la! You didn't lose anything, you gained a lot leh! For free!

Me: Huh?!? Sir, what the hell is that type of advice?

Friend: (starts smiling) Thanks sir, feel better now.

Yes. It may have been paraphrased, but that was the gist of the conversation. When they then started chuckling and talking about the poor girl's ****s, I was completely stunned. Ohhhkaaay. I had somehow entered the Twilight Zone, where morals and priorities are wildly different.

But that's me. For the female friends I'm closer to, I've always disapproved tactfully if they behaved wantonly, or if they dressed down too much. I've corrected the way girls sat, gently advised them against fooling around, and never once thought impure thoughts of my female friends.

Suffice it to say I’ve always respected females, and have yet to take advantage of any female, emotional or otherwise.

Apparently, and unfortunately too, it’s not the common standard of decency to expect of most men. I’ve heard of guy friends who push the boundaries with their cavalier ways, and of female friends who have come to expect nothing less. And for the record, alcohol is not an excuse for anything!

But here’s the surprising part. I didn’t inherit these values from my parents, for they are conservative Chinese folks who hardly touch upon these topics. I fashioned them after… the agony-aunt columns in Her World.

(No, I do not spend my money on those mags. Even if I were a girl, paying $10 on mags which are 50% advertisements of things you can’t wear anyway, 40% lifestyle crap you can’t afford, and 10% sex advice you can’t utilize… nuh-uh)

You see, my mum had scores of them when I was younger. (Please disregard the 50%-40%-10% thing with regards to my mum… that’s my opinion, so I have no idea what she wants them for.) And as a curious young lad, I found joy in reading the articles, just to see what the big fuss was about.

And yes, it was the agony-aunt columns that fascinated me the most.

I just couldn’t believe the stories laid out there. Typically, they would be about a girl who’s persuaded into an intimate relationship with her boyfriend, “out of love”, “for him to stay loyal”, “to show that she is true to him”. And then she would get preggers, and the boyfriend would leave.

Or, they would be about their boyfriends / husbands cheating on them. Or about their men abusing them physically / emotionally / verbally. You get the picture.

After a while it hit me that quite a lot of men are bastards. And what was scarier, I found that I could suddenly see the common techniques men use to ensnare their women, that it was suddenly within my power to choose to walk the dark path too.

For example, I shall demonstrate two scenarios in which you, the male, can carry out spousal abuse. One scenario is ‘incorrect’, and would lead to her walking out on you. The other is ‘correct’, and would allow you to happily beat her for years.

Scenario 1 >> You beat her during an argument. She is sobbing in a corner. You beat her again, and again, then you shout that it’s not your fault, and you storm out of the house, telling her you don’t care if she hates you.

Scenario 2 >> You beat her, then when she cries, apologize profusely. Cry with her too, and blame yourself. Tell her you need her to survive, that she makes you a better person. Accept her forgiveness, then hug / kiss her / say “I love you”. Then, repeat from beginning.

Look, if you can’t figure out which scenario is ‘better’, just forget it. I’m not giving the answer here. Spousal abuse is, like, just way wrong, ok? I was just illustrating a point.

As I was saying, I realized then that it was up to me entirely, to choose how I wanted to be. One path meant training oneself to be considerate, sensitive, gentle, if only to make that one girl feel truly special. The other meant dehumanizing girls, honing the art of mind games until you could destroy their self-worth and pillage all you wanted.

And I thought, it can’t be that difficult to be nice and sincere now, can it?

Lest you think this is some ego-stuffed post, about me being some god-like SNAG, it isn’t. I've certainly had my fair share of mistakes, and I admit to them.

But it is a post about how I think more guys should treat their ladies, and how when one partner (guy or girl) begins to trust and depend on the other, the person who’s received that trust should never abuse it.

For goodness’ sake, you’re supposed to be providing.