Badge

It is very common for people experiencing emotional pain, to ask, why?

And it is very common for other, happier, people to tell the sad ones that it was a test, a test for them to surpass themselves, to learn about themselves. That all things happen for a reason, and that this will help them grow and be better people.

That works for a short while. Then, it fails to pacify any further, like a salve that's been diluted too many times over. Because, these sad people start to ask, what are the lessons I'm supposed to learn? What did I even do wrong, to deserve a test of this kind?

Well, I asked that question today too, and the answer I ended up with, was surprisingly refreshing and effective. And I want to share it with you, so that in the event you need to reach out and help someone too, this answer I found might be useful for you.

A caveat begin I continue! I must describe the pain in question, for we all know there are many different kinds of pain and as many different remedies.

This pain in question, is a pain of loss. It's a pain of helplessness, feeling that you have done all you could but still to no avail. It is a pain of crushed expectations, of having the bottom fall out from your plans for the future. It is a pain of unable to recall the good times, for dwelling upon them ironically brings more suffering. It is a pain from affection that has yet to retire, that still urges you in your sleep to love.

What is it not? It is not a pain of regret, a feeling that you could have done something more. It is not a pain of shame or guilt, where you know you did something wrong and you wish you hadn't taken that fateful step that day. It is not a shallow pain, where you merely miss the superficial benefits and you wish you weren't so inconvenienced.

And my answer to someone saddled with that pain, is this.

"Your pain, is a badge that you are wearing. It is a badge that signifies all the things you have done right. You have earned this pain, so be proud to wear it.

Pained because there was nothing else you could do? That's good. You did everything in your power. You never gave up for lack of courage, and you kept at it until you knew you could do no more.

Pained because of crushed expectations? That's good too. You planned for a future. You earned the right to feel stable and secure, and with that privilege you planned the days ahead. Not very many people ever feel safe enough to look beyond the next week.

Pained because you dare not reminisce? You had good times! You managed to make different corners and pockets of the world special with the good times you had there. You took routine, everyday events and infused them all with a myriad of gems and pearls, making them all worth remembering for a long time to come.

Pained because your love is like a cockroach that refuses to die? If your love dissipated like a nervous whisper upon the winds, if it were so unsubstantial and feeble it refused to stand up and be counted, was it any good to you in the first place?

You do not have regrets because you never once cut corners, sold yourself short. You did all that you could do. You do not feel shame, because you never cheated, you never did something for which you have to apologize for.

You earned all that. If this happened and you felt no pain... then nothing meant anything to you. But you do feel pain. So wear it proud upon your chest. Embrace it, and with every pang you feel, remember that you deserve every bit of it."

I hope it works for you, if you should need it, because it worked for me.