Uncommon Problem Solving

As children mature into adults, they slowly begin to assimilate lessons no teacher can pass on in a normal classroom. For example, they learn to react to different social stimuli, and as experience accrues so do they react faster and better.

Let's say you introduce yourself to a stranger - chances are, he/she would react accordingly, and an exchange of names and pleasantries would ensue. This is simply because that particular social exchange has happened so often both parties respond almost instinctively.

Now, isn't the converse true? That if someone has not been exposed to a particular social exchange previously, wouldn't the response time and quality of response be so poor as to leave that person like a stranded fish gasping for water?

Knowledge without application is about as useful as using sandpaper for toiletpaper. Let us explore the possibilities.

Scenario 1: Stuck in a holding area

Course of Action: Get a female to approach the ushers, preferably the male ones, to urgently plead to leave to use the bathroom. Scream "I NEED TO PEE NOW!!" until effect is achieved.

In my opinion, guys will balk at having to deal with such a situation and simply acquiesce.

Track Record: Almost worked once, defeated by a male who thought commendably fast on his feet. Oh well. Not all males think so fast.

Scenario 2: Getting scolded by your parents

Course of Action: Rush up to the miffed parent and hug tightly, cooing "Mum, Dad, I love you so much! Thank you for always being there to guide me."

Track Record: My mum's immune already. Only worked once, but that's probably because I wasn't exactly a very cute or heartstrings-tugging kind of kid. Works best for kids under 16.

Scenario 3: Having a stranger jump your queue at a foodstall

Course of Action 1: Grab the nearest child and pinch hard. When the queue-jumper turns to look, comfort the child loudly, "It's ok, I know you're very hungry, but we've got to wait until queue-jumping worms like this man next to us get their food, ok? Hush now..."

Course of Action 2: Direct a nearby child to repeat loudly, "Mum is it ok to jump queues? I thought you said if I jumped queues I would go to hell? So is this man going to hell too?"

Track Record: Untested, nearby children not as handy as you think. For best results rehearse your own children.

Scenario 4: Your boyfriend/husband/father is not giving in to you

Course of Action: Whine and whine and whine. Follow up with excessive pouting and threats along the lines of "I refuse to bear you children/grandchildren!". Yes, it's sexist, but you're a fool if you're not going to use every weapon in your god-given arsenal.

Track Record: Wait a minute. Isn't this what every girl does already? All the same, works with 95% of males. The remaining 5% are just too young or too old.

Bleah. More scenarios the next time I max out on adrenalin doing an assignment past midnight and cannot sleep.