Muggers

Law students, it has been said, follow a set pattern to studying.

At the beginning of their course, they inevitably pounce upon their newly acquired books with the ferocity of a teenage girl at a Mango sale. With no regard to personal health or social standing, they mug like there's no tomorrow.

5 pages into their textbook, they can barely disguise the anxiety eating them from within, as they struggle to catch up with their fellow classmates.

50 pages into their textbook, a glow of smugness spreads over them, much like the way pregnant women seem to radiate vitality. They know they are ahead of the class, Hallelujah.

500 pages into their textbook, they pause. They awaken from some crazed stupor. They proceed to contemplate the meaning of life.

5000 pages - they quit law and open a bakery.

The above anecdote, related to me by a senior, prompted me to delve into the world of muggers and relook at conventional perceptions that hound them.

The first thing that struck me was how contradictory our views of muggers can be. On one hand, muggers are to students as Brad Pitt is to people aspiring to look good - muggers are the epitome, the very essence of studenthood.

On Day One of Primary school, mothers start pointing out the muggers to their children. "Look", they say, "there goes a mugger toad. Your only responsibility now is to study hard - if your myopia doens't worsen by the end of this year, somebody's gonna get a-hurt..."

Yet, muggers are also scornfully despised. They are characterized as selfish, kiasu, socially inept Anti-Christs. Openly declaring yourself a mugger in school has the same effect as wading into a crowded pool and admitting you have a fungal infection of the groin.

Public persecution of muggers has birthed a caste system of sorts, comprising of the Mugger (M), the Closet Mugger (CM) and the Non Mugger (NM). Like any other caste system worth its salt, once you are discovered to belong in a certain class it is very difficult to change your lot.

And of the three, it is the CM who attracts the most contempt, for who appreciates a traitor amongst your ranks? The Ms hate CMs for not being proud of who they are, and view the latter's lack of disclosure as a sign of cowardice.

Whereas the NMs, who have treated the CMs as one of their own right until the truth is revealed, cannot get over the fact that they have been lulled into a state of complacency whilst others have been racing ahead.

To me, Ms and NMs (sounds like chocolate) represent the tension between two ideals, namely, the ideal of complete studiousness and the ideal of education outside books. Wouldn't life be much simpler if we all recognized a nice balance is the best?

My friends, please, tolerance and understanding. If you pass a M today, don't jeer at him. Spare a minute to emphasise the value of life beyond the boundaries of books.

If you pass a NM, don't ask him whether he has been retained before. Spare a minute to remind him of the importance of being consistent in school work.

If you spot a CM though, don't show mercy. Spare a minute to bite him.

Ah... life would then be so much happier.