Romance

Maybe it's just me, but before you watch romantic movies or read romantic novels, you must be mentally prepared.

You can, if you so wish, jump straight in defenceless. You can sit through Titanic with your mind naked and unprotected, or read The Bondmaid similarly unprepared.

But you do so at your own risk. Don't blame me if afterwards you get bitter, upset, frustrated, or even suicidal.

The problem arises because people tend to take whatever they see in the media at face value. This is the exact reason why little kids with capes jump off tables thinking they can fly, and why ruggers suplex each other thinking no one will get hurt from wrestling.

This, of course, spells untold harm and damage on the state of Romance in Singapore, and the world at large. Basically, what happens is that young impressionable people grow up absorbing unrealistic notions of romance, and when they find out for themselves that romance is as real as Santa Claus or as probable as Moderations of Exam Grades, whatever romance in them fizzles out.

In fact, in today's accelerated world it's not uncommon to find young twenty-somethings with all the cynicism and bitterness, of thirty-somethings.

That's why, you have to be prepared. Instead of starting off overly-idealistic and then crashing, it's generally better if everyone began knowing the truth, and then slowly working to make the world a sweeter place to live in. For the sake of our young, let me dispel some myths that perpetually cloak almost every love story out there.

First Myth: Story couples live happily ever after. Generally, they either die just after they confess undying love (Romeo 'n' Juliet, Moulin Rouge), or the story ends when they get together (Just Like Heaven, Eternal Sunshine). Simply put, you never see how these wonderful couples make it through life together, months after the honeymoon period has worn off.

I mean, look at Moulin Rouge. It's great to have your new lover burst into song every time he sees you, but seriously, after a few months of that, you just want to stab him. Over and over.

Any surviving couple will testify to the immense amount of effort required to keep a relationship alive. When I was younger and captivated by the idea of Romance, I used to think that all you needed to succeed in a relationship was love. Now, older, wiser, I have learnt the distinction between real love, and hormonal love.

Most unfortunately, real love is something of a delicate rose. Cultivating it and keeping it alive takes all the skill, energy and dedication you've got. That said, even cactuses die if you just plant them and leave them alone. Hormonal love, on the other hand, grows as spontaneously and ferociously as foot rot. Often, the bad effects last just as long too.

So don't be fooled. Getting the girl might be difficult at times, but in totality, it's only less than 10% of the entire journey.

Second Myth: That love overcomes every obstacle. You just need to realise that there are some obstacles that are just insurmountable. There are tons of movies out there just raring to have you believe in this, but don't be fooled.

Look at King Kong and his little blonde girl. In that movie love transcends species, communication, religious, financial security and hygiene barriers, and yet people still believe that the two had a chance. It's about as realistic as you falling in love with a hamster and hoping to receive your parents' blessing.

Perhaps that's why parents caution us about rushing in. You need to know what your personal stands are, and assume that your beloved's own views will never change, then ask yourself if you can live with it. All in all, if there's a fundamental issue you two can't agree with, it's really worth a meticulous rethink.

Third Myth: That people never change. The quintessential story that perpetuates this myth is probably Legend of the Condor Heroes - in that story, the lovers are seperated for 16 years, during which time the male hero is assaulted by the fervent and insistent affections of no less than three different wholly approvable girls.

Yes, you guessed it. Said male hero, most probably through the use of heavy drugs, suppresses any semblance of libido and common sense and waits 16 long years for his love to return. Romantic? Yes. Drama? Yes. Realistic? No.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not belittling anyone who chooses to wait for his one true love. It's just that people do change, and it doesn't mean that if two people are right for each other at a certain time, they'll always be right for each other. Your postage-stamp-sized bikini makes you irresistable now (if you're female), but donning it 30 years later will only make your children dig their eyes out.

It's all related to maintaining a relationship. People change, and you've got to keep up. If you stop growing in tandem with your partner, if you neglect to keep connected, you'll wake up to find a stranger next to you.

Actually, now that I think about it, the hard part isn't getting people to know that romance in the media is largely exaggerated. The hard part is getting people to stay romantic, despite all the hard knocks they receive through life.

I'm morphing myself, although I am fighting it every step of the way. I'm slowly changing into this practical, cynical person that is the bane of the Romancing Singapore campaign. You can't blame people, I realize. You can't look into the eyes of a person who's just been jilted, and say seriously, don't worry, love will conquer all.

Maybe that's why romance still sells. Although it's sad that people buy into romance but don't really believe in it, in the same pathetic way students like me buy assessment books knowing I'll never touch them, maybe people immerse themselves in romance to glimpse a better world.

A better world where there's unending energy to pull off romantic surprises, where true love is untainted by the passage of time, where partners or spouses aren't just companions who help you through life, but actually are your soulmates.

I encourage you, if you are a romantic at heart, keep that fire burning in you no matter how hard the storm rages outside. It's like believing in Cho. The world may test your strength in a myriad of ways, but if at the end of the day you manage to keep that little spark of belief alive, I do believe life will be a little brighter, a little sweeter.

Keep the faith alive.