Karaoke 1: Girls of the Night

So it was at another class gathering that I found myself enveloped in yet another of those labyrinthine Party World KTV lounges, nestled in a cosy room wondering why a completely different sampling of young adults had chosen an almost completely Mandarin song playlist again. I was sitting next to Zhihaotan (name changed to protect Tan Zhihao's privacy), contemplating which song to murder next, when I noticed him being uncharacteristically quiet.

"Hanting," he said after a while, "do you frequent KTV lounges?"

I paused. If the Truth was to battle Machoism everyday, then everyday Machoism would win. "Of course," I said with a barely-concealed smugness in my voice, "I happen to go out quite often with my army friends." Yeah. Like once a year.

"Then... you tell me... where are all the KTV girls?"

To tell you the truth, I was stunned for a while. Of all the questions, I didn't expect this one. Yet, strangely enough, with my limited experience I still had culled sufficient knowledge to answer him.

"You see, there are two kinds of KTVs, ya? One's the normal, decent kind, like the one we're in. And the other type, well, they're known as the lap sup kind, the kind that well, employs more staff, to say the least."

"But how do you know? How do you tell?"

"Well, mostly by word of mouth. But, hiyar, you can usually tell one la. Just look at how decent the entire setup is... I mean, if you notice that the aircon's just about right, it's not too hot, yet the girls serving you drinks are barely clothed, well, either there's a budget cut for uniforms or it's the lap sup kind."

"Ok. So let's say I get myself into one of those kinds of places, accidentally of course, how do I let the... er... ladies know I'm not interested?"

For a short moment Zhihaotan's question triggered a violent relapse of a particularly unpleasant encounter I had, which will not be discussed here. "Well, first of all you've got to start acting completely disgusted, and keep politely refusing their advances. Don't ever tip anyone to get them off your back too! You'll start attracting them by the dozens. Then, if they still come at you, start flapping around like a gay and declare you're a homo."

His eyes sparkled, an amazing thing in an already glittery room.

"Really? That'll keep them off?"

"Of course man. Would I lie to you?"

I would, actually. That last piece of advice should provide a bit of entertainment, once he actually does try it out. Only God knows what kind of response he'll get. =)