Movie

I like my movies, but it's really puzzling the way people view the activity of watching movies.

Just think about it. Everyone knows it's one of the more anti-social group activities out there. You hardly get to interact much as a group, and especially when time's tight and there aren't many opportunities to go out, it's a waste to spend a couple of hours glued to a mega idiot-box.

Yet, and test this yourself if you don't believe me, tell anyone you're going to watch a movie alone, and watch them gasp in shock. "Oh no, you're going to watch a movie by yourself? How very pathetic!". It's a mysterious contradiction, I know.

In fact, sometimes you just get the worst of both worlds. When I was out with a group of friends the other day, just bumming around town, I mooted the idea of watching a movie and promptly got crucified. Then, after a night of crying myself to sleep, I decided to watch a movie myself. The first two friends I told made me feel so gooood about it, I stayed home to study instead.

I can't understand it. Ruishan, and probably ten million other people, are right. Maybe it's just me. Sadly enough, the injustice doesn't stop there.

Another curiosity I've observed, is that you are what you watch. Watch too much fantasy and you start running into old houses and gleefully throwing open decrepit wardrobes hoping to find more than mothballs and ancient clothes. Watch too much horror or suspense, and everytime someone makes a loud noise you have to change pants.

For that reason, people keep an eye out for what you watch. In different pockets of society, saying without thinking that you watched a certain movie can be the last faux pas you make.

I remember one particular Monday morning in army. There we were, four officers in the same lift, on our way to work. My OC started off by saying he had a great time watching some gory horror flick with his girlfriend, and began describing the juiciest bits from the movie. We were impressed, after all, this was the movie that had reviewers leaving in repulsed disgust.

The other two officers happened to catch some cool action movie together with friends, and heartily recommended it for the brilliant cinematography and innovative fight sequences. We just had to catch it, they said. Then, the dreaded 8-month-pregnant pause came.

"So, Hanting, did you watch any movie over the weekend?"

"mmmmfff Yes mmmffphffmmmff."

"Huh? What type of show was it? What was it about?"

"Oh, it was quite good, you know, some super violent horror-action-science-fiction thing. Lots of blood, sex and gore. Foreign shows are like that, you know."

"What was it called? You watched with your girlfriend right? Come on, spit it out."

"mmfff Princess Diaries mmmfff."

You see what I mean? I can't watch Doom without being an insensitive tree-residing neanderthal, neither can I watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and escape jibes of being a soppy hopeless romantic. It's a lose-lose situation.

And when you finally do find someone to watch a movie like Nightwatch with, and you start making plans for it, he goes off and watches it with a girl instead. Confronting him later in righteous anger doesn't soothe any wounds either.

Me: Infidel! Father of Lies! Friendship-Breaker!
Mr. J: Sorry la. I lupchu, don't angry la.
Me: You tell me, you tell me, what does she have that I don't? Huh??

(Some questions... just shouldn't be asked)

But I've since learnt to handle quiffling problems such as these. It's very simple, actually - the One Rule To Rule Them All is basically to have an endless supply of imaginary company of the right sort.

Want to watch Sky High? Concoct an imaginary younger cousin. Want to watch Exorcism of Emily Rose? Dream up a bunch of havoc army friends. Want to watch Just Like Heaven? Fabricate a willing girlfriend (I will die for this, haha).

Die-hard movie kakis with similar schedules are just too few and far between. *sigh*