Suddenly, out from nowhere, someone shouted "Last guy up to the classroom loves XXX!" (XXX being, of course, one of the prettiest girls in class). Oh, how I remember that lovely stampede. Every guy's skin must have tingled with adrenalin, prickled in response to the challenge! The din we made as we scrambled and leapt and bulldozed our way to the top... sigh.
(Of course, we must have literally trampled over the girls in our class, but it was ok, back then we wouldn't have had to date them for a few more years to come.)
That first tease sparked off an unending torrent of teases. Maybe it was the novelty of the game, or just awakening hormones striving to make their presence felt, but before long everyone had caught onto the teasing craze. In one fell swoop, the entire landscape of boy-girl relationships changed.
One day you could talk to any girl you fancied, could eat with her, play with her, walk with her, and no one as much as batted an eyelid. The next you knew, there were suddenly all sorts of unseen rules in place that governed all interaction with the opposite sex - make even the slightest booboo, and the rest of the class would be up in melodious chorus about how you loved her, how you two wanted to marry, and how many kids you would have.
You know The Song as well as I do. Guy and Girl, under a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G...
For instance, no girl could officially be your 'friend' anymore. They were either an acquaintance or your Wife. You couldn't sit together alone with her in the canteen. You couldn't smile when you talked to her. You had to be mean to her, or else it meant you loved her. The list was endless.
Teasing, as it turned out, played an extremely crucial role in our social development.
Undeniably, it first helped differentiate between the people who could take jokes and the People Who Could Not Take Jokes. I am a person who can take jokes. At the very worst I would get a little miffed and irritated, but at the end of the day I would be fine. We learned to leave the Other Sort alone though, especially after their possessed fits of savage and brutal lunacy in class. You'll be surprised at how much an 11 year old can resemble a pitbull. On drugs.
Secondly, teasing was instrumental in helping us develop social verve. The first few days of the craze, the only known response available to us after getting teased was to cover our faces and run. That simply didn't cut it, and it was not long before we evolved resistence and adapted.
Typically, our development could be charted as such:
Stage One
Teaser: I saw you talking to XXX! You love her right? Waaa... *cue The Song*
Victim: Aaaarrrggghhh..... *wail wail*
Stage Two - The Denial
Teaser: You two were eating together! How sweet! How many children you want? *cue The Song*
Victim: Where got? Where got I ask you? I never sat with her! Girls are evil! I hate them all!
Stage Three - The Counter-Attack
Teaser: I saw you looking at her in class! You love her right? Right? *cue The Damn Song*
Victim: You talk about her everyday! In fact, you are the one who secretly loves her right? Don't worry ok, I'll help the two of you get married! *cue The Censored Version Of The Song*
The funniest thing is, boys and girls learnt to act more maturely somewhere around 13-18, when they realized that there was, indeed, much to love about the other sex. Guys stopped pulling girls' hair, and started stroking them instead. Even without couples officially announcing their relationship, there was practically no teasing at all.
I'm in no position to talk about the girls, but I believe there to have been a reciprocal understanding. All in all, there was a truce...
... which ended when University came around. This, you understand, puts a severe dent in the 'maturity comes with age' theory.
I can't deny it. The evidence is before my eyes. In University, the teasing has been resurrected. And, oh boy, it's a entirely new ball game. Where there was frankness before, there is subtlety now. Where there was inane blanket one-size-fits-all teases before, there are Target-Acquiring-High-Destruction-Homing-Smart-Bomb teases now.
And in this new season, you'll be surprised to find out how relevant the old defences are. It's a bit like war, where the core principles never change, only the exterior facades. As a battle-scarred veteran, may I humbly offer some simple tips for the more oppressed among my friends.
Principle One: Always act innocent. Most of the shots fired at you are test rounds, designed to test your reaction rather than score a hit. Any unusual response on your part would give your weak spot away, confirming any suspicions immediately. Remember, he doesn't know what you know.
A short case in point is reproduced below, taken from real life over MSN.
Me: Wow, today's his birthday. He must be really happy.
Victim: Yar lor. Haha.
Me: Wonder whether he has gotten any presents or not.
Victim: Think so la. Dunno what to get him leh.
Me: I know what's free! A birthday kisssssssss....
Victim: Probably go down to town lat
Victim: IDIOT hanting
(Note the uncommon, unusual and sudden interjection, laced with fire and brimstone. Score.)
Principle Two: Don't encourage them by reacting. Drop your jaw, freeze, stare blankly ahead and go into Suspend Mode. Refuse to react until your tormentors get bored and leave. Not advisable for the ticklish.
Principle Three: Always... wait a minute! Why am I sharing all this?!?
Seriously though, part of the fun is knowing where to draw the lines. People are akin to arable land in this respect. Farm the same piece of land too intensively and too often, and the returns decrease.
There might well be some fundamental anthropological explanation for the existence of the social phenomenon of teasing. Maybe in Univerisities overseas, teasing at this age is extinct, and that it is peculiar to our society. Maybe the effects of teasing upon budding adults has far greater consequences than we imagine.
But surely, life would be so much duller without it.
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