Dilemma

I was seized by a sadness today
A raging emotion I couldn't magic away
Oh how it coloured my every thought
Every self-cheering attempt reduced to nought
How much longer will this last I cannot say

I am sure I have been here before
In this dank room with four white walls
A prison construct I helped create
From my own shortcomings did it originate
A perfect prison without a single flaw

This path I'm treading, so familiar
It's definitely not the first time I've been here
How ever did I wind up here again
When escaping last time caused so much pain
How much does it take for this problem to disappear?

In a way I already recognize the solution
A way out from all this painful confusion
And that is to change myself, and the values I prize
A decision I doubt is entirely wise
Little wonder I am wrought with indecision

My deepest fear is that I might really be wrong
That my ideals in this case are but worth a song
Wishing and dreaming for things that can never be
Refusing to accept current harsh reality
Nothing but a wet-eared youth all along

One day I hope it all becomes clear
Whether I should now give up or persevere
And till that far-off moment of enlightenment arrives
May the better parts of me still survive
This personal dilemma so very dire