What Marriage Does To You 1: Armrests

We all know couples change over time. Young couples are as different from older couples as Freddy Krueger is from a Carebear. It's not the age of the people involved that matters - it's often the amount of time the couple has already spent together.

At a recent family outing to watch Batman Begins, I sat with my brother while my mum accompanied my dad in the row behind us. Being the elder brother, I took it upon myself to educate my brother in the intricacies of managing the removable armrest, especially when watching a movie with a girl.

See, I told him, you can raise the armrest. Any idiot can do that. Behold the genius, however, who knows when to do it, how to do it, and most importantly, why it is so important to raise the armrest.

My brother shot me a most disapproving and chastising look. Not everyone is desperate or hum sup kor, he said. Hum sup?, I responded, eyebrow rising. Who said anything about hum sup? Do you know how much easier it is to share the popcorn with the armrest up?

Back to the topic. After my brother was sufficiently educated in the Way of the Armrest, we turned around and enthusiastically decreed the importance of the raised armrest to my parents. My mum was the more enlightened of the two, for she complied by raising the armrest.

Then my dad protested. Where am I going to rest my arm now, he asked, and promptly replaced the armrest.

Tada.

Dilemma

I was seized by a sadness today
A raging emotion I couldn't magic away
Oh how it coloured my every thought
Every self-cheering attempt reduced to nought
How much longer will this last I cannot say

I am sure I have been here before
In this dank room with four white walls
A prison construct I helped create
From my own shortcomings did it originate
A perfect prison without a single flaw

This path I'm treading, so familiar
It's definitely not the first time I've been here
How ever did I wind up here again
When escaping last time caused so much pain
How much does it take for this problem to disappear?

In a way I already recognize the solution
A way out from all this painful confusion
And that is to change myself, and the values I prize
A decision I doubt is entirely wise
Little wonder I am wrought with indecision

My deepest fear is that I might really be wrong
That my ideals in this case are but worth a song
Wishing and dreaming for things that can never be
Refusing to accept current harsh reality
Nothing but a wet-eared youth all along

One day I hope it all becomes clear
Whether I should now give up or persevere
And till that far-off moment of enlightenment arrives
May the better parts of me still survive
This personal dilemma so very dire

The Young And The Old

Just a little while back, when my family was at the columbarium paying respects, I remember thinking about how little I knew about my great-grandparents. I mean, the few pictures of them hardly say much, and the stories my grandad relates about them concern only the most memorable events (from my grandad's perspective) in their lives.

How were they, as people? Were they loving? Did they quarrel much? What were their passions, their hobbies, their dreams and aspirations? Could they sing, swim, dance, cook, write?

And then a far more disturbing thought occurred to me - my own great-grandchildren will probably know just as much about me. Just as I hardly can imagine how my forefathers were, what type of lives they've led, the romances, the joys, the sorrows, the milestones they have had, my own life story will probably be as transparent to my descendants.

It's really quite unsettling when you ponder upon the issue. You will hopefully have a close relationship with your children, and if you're lucky, you'll also luxuriate in getting to know your grand-children well and share your lives together. Of course, vice-versa. Most, however, are simply not so lucky.

Perhaps it is the way we are all so caught up in our daily lives that we hardly have enough time and effort to get to know our elders better. Generation gaps exacerbate the problem, making it that much harder for one generation to find the other relevant.

I've tried cracking my brains for ways to improve the situation, but my pessimistic melancholy today yields but one viable course of action - appreciate and strengthen the bonds you have with your immediate family, now. There's not enough time in today's world to grow as close to the rest of your extended family, so make the best of it, and at least be able to say that you indeed are close to your parents and siblings.

21: Heartfelt Gratitude

One of the most meaningful gifts I received this magical 21st, was the solid reminder that I've had the fortune to make, and keep, so many wonderful friends despite having lost all my abs since my army days.

I.... I think I might still be at a loss for words... so let me just say, thank you, for all the friends who have in one way or another reached out to me this 21st birthday.

In no order at all, Zhihao, Si Lan, Gillian, Elizabeth, Cynthia, Ivan, William, Desmond, Nelly, Limin, Jesper, Ah Wei, Kelvin, Weiqi, Enying, Kevin, Liang Ying, Linus, Sweetiang, Adeline, William, Chris, Wenzheng, Tian Loon, Jessica, Roy, Jiayun, Michelle, Yanru, Shi Yu, Cheng Si, LiangYing, Lester, Ben Koh, Terence, Carlson, thank you all for filling my days with memories so fond and friendships so meaningful...

To Hanlong and Haojin, you have no idea how many people I've had to dissuade from the notion that you two are together, but all the same thank you two for being such 'lovely sweet angels' in my everyday life. Hanlong you earned your 'lovely sweet angel' status by tolerating and still loving an older brother who's too callous at times, and Haojin you earned yours for being a fantastic zhi char cook. Haha. And also for being taking the trouble to get to know me and being supportive when it's needed!

Thank you too, er, Aunty and Uncle Who Are Haoyun's Parents! Thank you for all the care and concern you've shown me so far, for spending so much time and effort to get to know me, for being so warm and welcoming always...

Mum and Dad, thank you both for loving me and supporting me all these years, never giving up on me, giving me food and lodging despite my grumpy tantrums, and believing in me every step of the way. And of course, for the car which I hope should come soon. =)

Finally... a special hug for a special someone... dear, you've brought so much colour into my life, you know? You've been there to defeat my insecurities, to bolster my pot belly, to encourage my fledgling sense of humour... to get thrashed by me in Puzzle Bobble, to thrash me back in Solitaire, to salsa with me when no other girl would... for expending soooo much effort just to make me feel loved and wanted... you're the best Yunie! *hugz*

21: The Party

I do believe that I've just had the best birthday in my life. Really, I cannot imagine anything that can possibly top it.

I've never been one for parties. I find it hard enough to invite people to come and celebrate my birthday (small ego you see), not to mention expecting them to gather around and sing a birthday song for me. You've got to understand, that's just me.

Therefore I did not organize any birthday bash. Since I had just met some friends 2 weeks earlier to quietly mark the occasion, and already had a little dinner with relatives, on top of Haoyun bieng only be a stone's throw away in Greece on 7th June (supposedly), I decided to retreat to the library to do some quiet reading on my birthday.

Thus, when a small group of close friends asked me out for dinner on The Day, who was I to suspect anything? And even when we parked in Haoyun's estate, there was no rat to smell, and I agreed to pose in front of Haoyun's supposedly empty house for a little innocent picture.

And just as I was yelling 'I Love Mariah Carey's Voice!' for the camera, bang, the spotlights came on and the gate swung open. My very first thought was, oh god, I've just tripped her house's intruder alarms.

Even after friends galore, who were inside Haoyun's house, yelled Surprise! I still wasn't too sure what the heck was happening. There, I admit it now, I didn't suspect anything! Yes, Haoyun managed to sneak a big one up on me! (If you must know, I am still playing along)

An extremely confused seven hours later, after a tearful reunion, Forbidden and Banned performances of Song and Frog Dance, too much food and tons of catching up, I found myself at the Airport, making sure I saw my girlfriend and family check-in and get ready to leave for Greece. The things a man has to do to assure further peace of mind, I tell you.

Back to topic, it was still a fantastically well-organized, well-decorated and exceedingly heartwarming party... *sniff*...

BUT FOR THE GOD-FORSAKEN FROG DANCE OMG OMG OMG.

Dream 3: Lady In White

Midnight sky, blackness pierced by a thousand fiercely-glittering stars. Open, midnight sky.

Ballroom, as far and wide as the eye could see, stretched out beneath the sky. Smoky, flickering candles on golden candleholders scattered throughout the ballroom, all precariously standing amidst dancing, loving couples.

She's dressed in white, and so am I. Twirling, turning, ducking, spinning... she is moving so fluidly I can hardly hold her tight for a second. A fleeting moment of possession denied by the swiftness of her steps, the nimbleness of her dancing.

Friends surround me, but the warmth that suffuses me surely emanates from her. I hear her laugh, an ethereal laugh I almost think I didn't hear. And suddenly she stops, places her palms gently and unerringly on my shoulders.

And she kisses me. Once on the forehead.

And then she vanishes.

Again.

Every Joy Not Cherished...

Come now, dab those tears away
Put those gloomy thoughts aside
With an open mind hear what I have to say
It's only assistance I'm trying to provide

Life can suck pretty much sometimes
Some even say it's a mother dog
Unpleasantly sour like an unripe lime
Unbearably torturous as an after-meal jog

No doubt the odds against you are stacked real high
And most things seem quite unfair
No certainties upon which to rely
It's no surprise there's no end of grievances to air

But here's the all-important bit
The part that can set you aside from the rest
Though fully appreciating it is tough, I admit
Once you do Life's problems will cease to be a mess

It's simply recognizing that your attitude
Belongs to you and you alone
And since to you it's in servitude
You can change its quality, character and tone

Learn to cherish the good things that happen
For every joy not cherished is a joy lost
And in a world already sorrow overladen
Could you afford to bear this cost?

Don't lose hope and you can't go wrong
Keep on fighting for what's important to you
Wallowing in self-pity's fine but don't wallow too long
Especially when there's so much to do!

Remember that Life's not a journey
Meant to be completed alone in a day
There's friends, family, a trainee-attorney
Who'll be there every step of the way