Long Distance

I came across this essay I wrote in JC, one that tackled the question "The institution of marriage is falling prey to modern societal developments. Comment." It's a prized component in my box of keepsakes now, mainly for the very interesting perspectives I had about relationships then. It's really not often that I get such a thorough glimpse into the way I thought in ages past.

One key argument I based my argument on, that marriages were still a viable option in today's modern world, was that it's not that difficult for couples to grow together. At that tender age of 18, I envisioned a love-filled world where enlightened couples would make it a point to grow lovingly alongside each other, to weave their experiences outside of the relationship together into a lovely tapestry of love, love, love and love.

It was an essay that could go either way. If my tutor had just quarrelled with her fiance the night before, wham, I would get a C+ and a "I really wish to see you applying your mind to more down-to-earth matters, young man!". Otherwise, it was going to be a A with a "Marry me! Now!!". Such is the polarity humans experience when it comes to the phenomenon of love.

(I got a flattering grade of B+, sans comment. Seems like Singaporean teachers know better than to get into relationships with their students... No matter how difficult it must have been for my tutor.)

See, I realized, it's not that easy to grow alongside someone after all. A couple might share the greater part of each day with each other, and yet still grow apart. I once talked to Mr. J about long distance relationships, complaining that couples in LDRs have it the worst. No matter how much time they devoted to talking on the phone or over Skype, they would slowly accumulate experience (points) individually, and grow apart (level up).

And with a twinkle of his eye and wiggle of his pec, he reminded me that physical distance is hardly the most insiduous enemy we must guard against. "It's emotional distance la, that really matters. You two might be together everyday, but that doesn't mean it isn't a long distance relationship too."

If I could rewrite my essay, I think I would still keep the point about growing together, but I would proffer additional practical ways to go about doing it. Firstly, never preclude discussions. If there's an issue, always always talk about it, no matter how unpleasant. Figure out if your differences are minor ones, or really earth-shaking country-dividing PS3-killing ones.

Second, always reserve a little bit of yourself for that special someone. What I mean to say is, give your special someone priority. Always let them be the first to hear your innermost thoughts, or give them the best minutes of attention from your scarce leisure time each day. The day you find that they no longer fill any holes in your life is the day you should rethink everything.

Well, that's about all, really. The rest boils down to effort and chemistry. But just one last word of caution - I'm not advocating that every couple out there now should fight tooth and claw to stay together. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be, no matter how much you want it.

Sometimes emotional chasms spring up overnight. Sometimes they've been there all along.