A Dying Crush

Today, when I picked up a photo of her, I realized... that the magic had finally evaporated. Whatever love, whatever care I once had, had quietly faded away.

And when the magic goes, so do all illusions previously held. There she was, in my mind's eye, warped beyond recognition. Her faults a thousand times illuminated, her virtues conversely diminished.

I turned to old memories to try to uncover some flagging vestige of tenderness, but found nothing. I have long been a staunch believer in the theory that true love never does quite leave you, and therefore, I was faced with the only explanation that maybe I never did harbour that for her.

It's strange, isn't it, the way crushes seize you?

I should know. I have seen it happen to friends, have had the fortune of experiencing some myself. Against all logic and reasoning, a crush will grip you tight and suffocate the sense out of you, stirring feelings you never thought could exist.

Ask any person experiencing a crush how did they fall prey to another so completely, and rarely will you get a coherent answer. It's a common denominator that crushes are brought upon mere mortals inexplicably, inextricably, irrevocably.

Nothing short of the passage of time can wrest someone from the embrace of a crush.

The intensity, the pulse of such feelings, so strong that even the jaded could misconstrue and see love where it does not exist... eventually fade. And when they do, you are left standed on a little island of bewilderment, wondering how you ended up here in the first place.

I wonder though, why is it that some crushes do not fade. Some persist, like little devilish parasites, feeding off your emotions for years on end. You think that as time passes old flames will extinguish, that old feelings will dwindle. Oh ho, think again.

I hope that if she ever finds out that I harbour no more affection for her, she will understand and forgive the flightiness I appear to embody. Our time was good together, while it lasted, but the sweetness of the moment will not sustain me much longer.

I seek more. Precisely what I seek I still do not know, but I do seek more.

Goodbye, then. If our paths do cross again, then let the meeting be one of close friends who share a special bond others lack. And nothing else.

Goodbye, Daphne...