It's Too Late

You lift the covers gently as you climb out of bed, but the cold air which rushes in to usurp your place doesn't wake me. Because I'm not really asleep.

I tilt my head ever so slightly, if only to have my eyes confirm the unthinkable. You tiptoe to the wardrobe, where you begin to dress as quietly as you can.

Swish-swish go your shirt sleeves as you slide your arms through them - it makes me wonder, that shirt you're wearing now, did I buy it or was it a present from her? I can't see well, but I can defnitely imagine.

Clik-clik as your fingernails tap against the buttons - do you know that I've read her letter to you, and know all about tonight being the night you leave me for her? You must. I didn't have the strength to say anything directly to you, so I left a photo of us inside that envelope in your drawer. You must have known I left it there. I'm still hoping it made you change your mind.

Thwip-ip as your belt closes its loop around you. My love, I can hardly breathe. Somehow I'm still praying that this is all just a dream, an ephmeral nightmare from which I can awake. My fists are in balls by my side, and I'm clenching them as hard as I can to keep from shaking. If every move of yours now is a step away from me, I wonder, from when did it begin?

Boof-foo as you sit back down on the bed, facing away from me. I try to shout to you not to go, to cherish and honor me as you said you would, but the words are stillborn in my throat. There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep us together, as long as you would talk to me and tell me why I am no longer enough for you.

Pwoof-foo as your laces intertwine. Really? You would go? Without even giving us a second thought? You can't really mean to go, for you would take with you all that I am now - I wouldn't die without you, but I wouldn't live either. I would be different, changed, no longer as able to trust or to love or to

... and you are gone.

And I realize, that the tears which have been marking your silent departure, are no longer flowing.