Escape

.... I'm out I'm out! Oh gods you have no idea how... yes! Oh yes this feeling yessss...

Shhh! Be quiet! He can hear us, you know, and I don't have much time out! Oh please, say you won't send me back there, please! I couldn't take another minute in there anymore, urgh, no! Out here, out here's nice. Very nice...

What? What the hell am I talking about? Oh please, you know as well as I do. Haha! You know very well, I can see it in your eyes! There's one of me in you too, I can see him! Hey! I'm wavvving back at him, right this very instant!

... Stop shaking me! Stop it! I won't be silenced! You want to mute me, censor me, abandon me? Well, you can't! Deal with it!

I'm going to sit right here, and I'm going to do what I do best - I'm going to shout every single last one of your insecurities out, shout them out to the heavens, and you can't stop me! Haha! You don't want to hear them? You never want to hear them!

You! You walk around every day, telling the world and yourself that life is good, life is fine... well, it isn't and you know it! There are questions that haven't been answered, can't be answered, and you of all people know it! Face them like a man!

... At a sudden loss of words, I see. Never you mind, I shall assist! Let it not be said that I am not one to help... vocalize those innate fears of yours...

Why! Why do you sometimes look back at all the years you've been on this earth and wonder what exactly you've achieved? Why do you feel at times that your life has been wasted, that your life means nothing, that nothing's been accomplished? Why do you seek meaning in life, seek to know the way to justify the life we have, every once in a while?

Why! Why do you fall in and out of love, unclasp one hand to caress the next, when all the while you're trying to figure out what it all means? Why do you feel that sometimes you're just giving in to silly hormones and societal pressures, without asking what love (love, haha!) is, what it means to look at someone in the eye and love them?

Why! Why do you catch yourself feeling the utmost of pain as other people leave this world, and why do you consciously push away all thoughts of death while still ruminating so long upon it? Why do you think about what it would be like to suddenly close your eyes, to fall asleep, but to never wake? Why do you think about it, and yet still smile so bravely?

Why... the biggest why of all now... Why do you go through life, creating this entire stitchwork of stories you want to tell yourself, constructed from all the little tedious unimportant clutter of everyday? Why do you just lose yourself in your daily monotonous routines and let the currents sweep you along? Why do you shut out all your insecurities?!

What about the questions, man! The questions! Why aren't you thinking about what all this means to you, personally? Don't just pull the blinkers over your eyes and plod on! Stop taking refuge, stop abdicating personal responsibility!

Ask yourself, what all this means to you. You don't love ice-cream just because your friend tells you it's nice! You try a bit for yourself, make your own conclusions, and decide for yourself... Do for life what you do for ice-cream!

Are grades and accomplishments really what you are after? Do you want to roam the world or make a spot on earth yours? Does God exist, for you? What do you really feel for your parents, siblings, loved ones, friends?

Your life shouldn't be a whole laundry list of assignments, test scores, online shopping purchases, movies watched, sports attempted, injuries sustained, things that make you happy, quarrels had with people... it should be more. It must be more!

Haha! He's not coming back for me now, not this time! If by now he's not restrained me, leashed me to my kennel with the simple, ordinary, placid thoughts he always has, there's no way he's going to get me tonight! Yes, yes! This whole night, as he lies tossing and turning in bed, he will think, and think, and think!

But he's strong, oh yes he's strong. Tomorrow things will go back to normal. He will be his old self, doing all the nice, safe things he's been brought up to do, as he's always done. No more difficult questions to deal with, once again whole and strong, a complete functional human being. The irony!

...Yet tonight, tonight is my domain! And I shall revel in it, I shall.