Forgive

Emotions overwhelm me. I try to press on, to distract myself, but it's not easy.

I've just spoken words I'd never thought I'll hear myself say. Sometimes, at night, when it's so quiet you can practically hear yourself think, I've thought this all through a thousand times, always to the same conclusion.

Yet, barely a few hours later, you're awash again in a sea of doubt and indecision.

I've said it, and although I thought for a while I could just bounce about, sing a frog song or two and take it all back, I guess I can't.

I wish I were older and wiser, stronger, with more spirit and resolve. I wish I had done everything differently, and not have to look back and regret all the stupid things I did, or omitted to do. If there's anything I am clear about, it's the certainty, in my heart of hearts, that I'm the one to blame.

I'm so very sorry.