Friendship Test

I've got enough time for a quick post!

Need a quick and convenient way to figure out who your friends are, and what they think of you? Look no further!

Step 1: Approach your subject. Engage in light, easy-going conversation to get him off his guard. Limit to about 3~5 minutes.

Note: Create as natural an environment as possible. Ensure that there is no gleam in your eyes. You could wait around a corner until you hear your friend approach, walk out and bump into him, then say, "Oh my goodness it's so good to see you after so long! What are you doing here?"

(Above model subject-engagement method does not work as well with classmates or close friends. Exercise common sense)

Step 2: Begin the test by saying, "Well, I hope I manage to do well in my present course, I don't have many alternative career paths open to me." Tailor this Opening to your individual style.

Note: Do not abruptly insert this opening. If your friend is heatedly attacking the tenets of the abortionist movement, for example, do not suddenly interject with the Opening. Similarly, if your friend is crying over a lost love, keep the Test for another day.

If you need to ask why, this test is not meant for you.

Step 3: Hopefully, your friend will take the bait and ask you whether you have ever considered doing anything other than law/medicine/engineering/living off your parents' hard earned money. If your subject does ask this, you're on the right track. Well done.

Note: If your subject is the submissive or blur kind, and says 'Oh, ok' to everything you say, you've got to try harder to make him ask the question. The Test would fail otherwise. Consider a Paris Hilton approach, ie "Oh I wonder what other careers I would have tried out, and I wish my friends would ask me so that we can talk about it!"

Caution - a Paris Hilton approach with any subject above 5 years old runs an approximately 85% chance that the game would be given away.

Step 4: Say, "Oh, I was thinking maybe medicine, or engineering, or teaching, or modelling." Watch for response. If your subject splutters and sprays his drink halfway across the room in shocked condescension, aghast at how unrealistically you view yourself, the bright side is, you get to save money on one birthday present for that year.

Note: This final step allows for much flexibility. If you wanted to figure out if your subject thought you were a psychomotor-moron, for example, you could substitute Step 4 with "... maybe teaching, or writing, or professional juggling." The possibilities are endless.

Step 5: Analysis of results is next. The question is, what would a true friend say? When someone tells you an untruth to make you feel better, is he doing you a favor or an injustice? Is it true that people merely want to hear what is good for the ego, instead of what is truly good for them?

I don't know about you, but after the test yielded suspiciously similar results from 5 different friends, I chose to happily pull the wool back over my eyes.

Life is a bit easier like this.